Listing of news articles
03/06/20 - Australia to spend $20 million more on Covid-19 mental health issues
Government spending on mental health keeps on coming. Last week, the government announced a further $20 million additional funding for research to “improve mental health care and reduce suicide rates in Australia.”
Health Minister Greg Hunt specifically talked about research and action “with regards to men’s and boys’ mental health”.
What do you think of this spending – are what would you like to see done with regard to men’s mental health in particular?
02/06/20 - Where (and how) men can get mental health help during coronavirus
This is a great piece with some helpful advice about where (and how) men can find mental health help during coronavirus.
Beyond Blue says they have noticed men with concerns about sleep problems, isolation, lack of exercise, frustration, depression and anxiety.
Remember: a problem shared is a problem halved.
If you’re struggling, reach out for support.
01/06/20 - Men are less likely to seek help for mental health — and the pandemic is making it worse
A recent survey commissioned by Men’s Health charity Movember, found eight out of ten Canadian men responded they find it helpful when someone asks if they’re having a hard time.
Men are the same all around the world.
Have you asked someone how they’re doing today?
This is one of the reasons the work of Dads in Distress is so important – we know the true value of peer-support.
31/05/20 - Grieving father makes a desperate plea for answers as he campaigns for a public inquest after his psychopath father-in-law murdered his entire family
Grieving father Aaron Cockman has made a desperate plea for answers as he embarks on a campaign for a public inquest.
Aaron’s four children were shot dead by their grandfather, Peter Miles, who also shot his wife and then himself.
Aaron has alleged the Miles had a history of violence prior to the mass killing which authorities were aware of.
He is fighting for a public inquest as he believes the Family Court played a role in fuelling the family conflict in the lead-up to the mass killing.
It’s a difficult discussion, in which we all need to choose our words carefully, but this is a vital conversation to have.
29/05/20 - False abuse compo akin to abuse itself
On Tuesday we posted about the father who is fighting $10k compensation on false sex abuse claim.
The Australian revealed that taxpayers had handed tens of thousands of dollars to victims of alleged abuse despite courts rejecting the allegations.
Two cases were discussed where payout were made to children to “recognise” the trauma of sexual abuse by their fathers, even though the allegations were rejected by the Family Court.
The money is sitting in a trust for the children until they turn 18.
For Kids Sake ambassador Karen Clarke added that it could do “enormous damage” if a young person was given money for a crime or abuse that they had not experienced.
“Though people may be inclined to think this can do no harm, this is not true,” she said. “If it reinforces a belief that’s false, it’s akin to abuse itself.”
In a second case, a father is preparing to challenge a payout of around $14,000 to his son for alleged sexual abuse.
This NSW father has not seen his son for 9 years.
Both fathers have said they have been harassed online as “pedophiles”.
26/05/20 - Compensation paid for sexual abuse judges say did not happen
This is a dad we know and have supported. It is truly a tragic story.
"Taxpayers have paid out $10,000 to a girl as compensation for being a victim of sexual abuse despite two Family Court judges rejecting the allegations made during a custody dispute.
The mother’s sexual abuse allegations against the father — first made in 2012 while they were battling in the family courts over their daughter — were not substantiated by police or Family and Community Services. The allegations were also rejected by two Family Court judges.
Family Court judge Peter Tree in April 2015 found that the child was not at risk of harm in her father’s care. “This child cannot grow up with the belief that her father sexually abused her, or presents an unacceptable risk of sexual harm to her,” he said. “The evidence simply does not reasonably support such a conclusion.”
Following further Family Court litigation, Justice Michael Baumann found in February that Mr Grainger was a “thoroughly decent human being” and the child was not at “any risk of physical, sexual or emotional harm in the father’s care”.
In contrast, he said the mother’s behaviour and her view of the father was “likely to distort the child’s emotional wellbeing”.
Mr Grainger said he became aware of the payment only in 2017, when his ex-wife referred to it in court documents. Since then, he said she had been “waving” evidence of the compensation payout around as “evidence” that he had abused his daughter, which had led to him being harassed online. “It’s devastating,” he said. “Not only have I lost my daughter through the Family Court, I’m now being called a pedophile and there’s nothing I can do about it. This has effectively been endorsed by Victims Services. I just find it crazy.”
Police had told him they would not investigate the matter.
26/05/20 - Stress, isolation, suicide: Australia's new mental health officer on the challenges of Covid-19
"Australia’s new deputy chief medical officer for mental health, Dr Ruth Vine, has sounded a cautionary note over a high-profile study predicting massive increases in suicide following the Covid-19 pandemic.
The research by top academics from the University of Sydney predicted a 25% increase in suicide and has been seized upon by advocates in the call for greater mental health funding and real-time suicide data.
Vine, who was appointed to the newly created role earlier this month as the government unveiled a suite of mental health measures, agrees it is important to “keep a very close eye on suicide data” but warns of “the difficulty” of modelling suicide, which she says is “always multifactorial”."
Ref: The Guardian
25/05/20 - Talking about suicide
This podcaster doesn’t want to go to another friend’s funeral.
Callum MacPherson was working a shift at Channel 7 last year when he got a call to tell him that his friend had died.
“I went into shock and my initial reaction was to keep working but I broke down and had to go home,” he says. “Suicide is the biggest killer of people between 15 and 45, and is responsible for a third of the deaths of young people between 15 and 34, and three times the amount of men die by suicide as women, so it’s such a male-dominated problem.”
Callum’s podcast is about trying to start conversations, changing attitudes and encourage men to talk about their feelings.
You are not alone. Do you need support?
Call us now on 1300 853 437 (or +61 2 6652 8113) or email: firstname.lastname@example.org
21/05/20 - Poorer middle-aged men most at risk from suicide in pandemic, say Samaritans
Poorer middle-aged men are most at risk from suicide during this pandemic, says new research from UK charity Samaritans.
The charity says this is the group who is “most at risk from suicide, but also the least likely to seek help.”
You are NOT alone. If you’re struggling with a relationship breakdown and need some support and advice, please get in touch.
You can call us now on 1300 853 437 (or +61 2 6652 8113) or email: email@example.com
20/05/20 - From complete shut-down to great agility: how family courts across the world have responded to Covid-19
Family breakdowns can be traumatic at any time. Lockdown, and the worldwide response to this coronavirus pandemic, has made stressful situations worse and added another layer of complexity.
Family Courts around the world have responded differently to Covid-19:
> In New York, it’s said there’s been “enormous strides” in shifting to remote hearings.
> In France, courts have virtually shut down entirely.
> In Hong Kong, remote hearings are relying on out-dated technology.
Here’s an interesting piece, giving a run-down of reports from around the world:
19/05/20 - Infanticide: Mother kept out of prison
Family of twin babies bashed so badly by their mother that one of them died say the 'archaic and sexist' system that kept her out of prison MUST be fixed.
The sister-in-law of a woman who was never jailed after killing her newborn daughter and leaving her twin with lifelong disabilities says the 'archaic' law needs to be fixed.
Tina Terlato avoided ever spending a day in prison despite the brutal abuse suffered at her hands by her twin daughters Alicia and Amanda on Anzac Day night in 2012.
The girls were just eight weeks old when Tina attacked them, and then gently placed them back in their cot.
It was not until their father Paul discovered them struggling to breathe hours later that the alarm was raised.
18/05/20 - Do children have a right to know their biological families?
This is a US study asking, “Do children have a right to know their biological families?”
What do you think?
This study begins: “In the United States, the elevated incidence of children living apart from their biological father or mother, or both, raises the question of children’s “rights” or “interests” in knowing and/or being reared by their biological parents or kin. The situations raising the question are extraordinarily varied, and the proposed answers—whether in the form of existing law, policies, or customary practices—are inconsistent, due to divergent histories and contemporary sensibilities concerning each. A univocal future response is also unlikely. At the same time, as society learns how children fare in each of these situations, it is worth considering the principles that might inform future policies…”
15/05/20 - COVID19 is putting suicidal dads at increased risk
Charities supporting suicidal dads need more funding to keep up with increased demand linked to COVID-19, a national suicide prevention organisation has warned.
Researchers at the Brain and Mind Centre (BMC) in Sydney have predicted the social impacts of COVID-19 could lead to an additional 1,500 suicides a year, the majority of them men.
Now experts working with separated fathers are warning that the increased pressure that the impacts of COVID-19 is having on relationships could see more dads taking their lives.
Pete Nicholls, CEO of Parents Beyond Breakup, the charity that runs Dads in Distress support groups for fathers at risk of suicide says:
“The first Dads In Distress group was set up in 1999 by our founder Tony Miller OAM to prevent suicide in separated fathers. It met on a verandah in Coffs Harbour.
In response to COVID-19, we launched the Virtual Verandah, an online support service that helps dads at risk of suicide connect online with their peers.
We are seeing demand for this service growing every week and need more funding to make the service available to every separating dad in Australia who needs our support. With more help from Government, we can fulfil our mission to keep more dads alive and in their kids’ lives.”
The call for Government help came as former senator, David Leyonjhelm, claimed in the Australian Financial Review that organisations supporting men during relationship break-ups were struggling to meet demand because of lack of Government support.
In response to the Leyonjhelm article, the peak suicide prevention body, Suicide Prevention Australia (SPA) issued a statement confirming that intimate relationship breakdown has a significant impact on men and needed to be targeted by Government policy and funding.
In particular, SPA called for suicide prevention funding to be directed at community services targeting men vulnerable to distress, such as the Dads in Distress helpline and support groups.
The impact of COVID-19 on family breakdown is an issue that is being experienced worldwide. Earlier this week, the international charity, Global Action for Men’s Health, issued a statement warning that more men are likely to experience relationship problems and many separated fathers will have reduced contact with their children.
15/05/20 - Ex Senator David Leyonhjelm calls out male suicide related to family breakdown
Australia's suicide trend is on the increase. Where is the majority of that coming from? Leyonhjelm says family breakdown and on that point, we'd concur. He goes on to say:
"Organisations that support men during episodes believed to predispose to suicide, such as relationship break-up, loss of children, false allegations of violence, unemployment and loss of homes and assets, languish for lack of support."
In recent history, the largest single group of Australians taking their lives has been men after separation. That this is so rarely said by those in authority, and that it seemingly sits so low in national funding priorities, says a great deal about our collective understanding of the issue.
Parents Beyond Breakup through its frontline Dads in Distress support service and national campaign DadsAlive! is pretty much it as far as specialised / dedicated support for Australian men feeling traumatised or suicidal post separation goes. Arguably, Aussie dads and their kids deserve better.
Leyonhjelm mentions Suicide Prevention Australia (SPA) in his article, and they have responded to his comments here. Importantly, SPA act to provide informed insight and recommendation to government but it is government that ultimately decide where they spend on support services. In our experience, SPA have been a positive voice and supporter of male suicide prevention.
If you're a dad needing help, or a mum or someone helping a struggling mum of dad, we're here to help. Help can be accessed for dads, mums and extended family and friends. We also have a national helpline on 1300 853437.
14/05/20 - Follow-up care and employment the keys to preventing many coronavirus-related youth suicides in Australia
Experts are warning the COVID-19 pandemic could claim more deaths by suicide than from the virus itself.
There are concerns about the youth unemployment rate dropping from 24 to 15 per cent.
There are also pushes for better follow-up care after suicide attempts.
We know there are problems with the current mental health system.
We also know the vital importance of PEER SUPPORT.
We are here to help.
You can call us on 1300 853 437 (or +61 2 6652 8113) or email: firstname.lastname@example.org
13/05/20 - The Australian says there has not been an increase in domestic abuse amidst Coronavirus
This interesting piece in The Australian says there has not been an increase in domestic abuse amidst Coronavirus. In fact it says:
“Fewer people in NSW are being murdered or reporting assaults by intimate partners or family members despite strict social distancing measures that experts feared would fuel violence at home.
NSW Police Force data shows 2194 domestic violence-related assaults were recorded in April, compared to 2408 in the same month last year.
And while NSW contends with a growing death toll caused by the coronavirus, the state has simultaneously experienced an unanticipated but welcome decline in domestic-related homicides.
The number of people killed by intimate partners or a family member plunged by more than 60 per cent in NSW to four in the year to May 4, compared to 11 over the same period last year, according to first-quarter police statistics…
Preliminary data published by the Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research in April revealed “no evidence” of an increase in domestic violence since social distancing was implemented in response to the COVID-19 pandemic…”
07/05/20 - The silent COVID-19 death toll: Far more Australians will kill themselves because of coronavirus lockdown than those who die of the virus, experts say
Suicide rates could be four times higher than corona deaths.
New research predicts suicides could double across Australia due to COVID-19.
WE ARE HERE TO HELP.
You can call us on1300 853 437(or +61 2 6652 8113) or email: email@example.com
06/05/20 - Revealed: What's important to Australians right now
Mental health and wellbeing has become increasingly important to Australians as the COVID-19 crisis has unfolded. It’s moved from the third to second more important area of Australian’s lives.
Concerns around mental wellbeing are especially high in among those aged 45-64, with one in two listing it as a concern right now.
People are feeling isolated and alone, understandably.
It’s challenging to stay in touch.
This is why we launched our ‘Virtual Veranda’. We have been running one for separated mums and one for separated dads.
It’s help when, where and how you need it (and it’s free!). Read more here:
01/05/20 - Coronavirus: Australians search for mental health tips as self-isolation takes a toll
A new study released this week has found that people have reported being depressed or anxious up to five times more than they were before this coronavirus pandemic.
We are six weeks into this “new normal”.
We’re stuck at home.
And many are struggling with feeling isolated and lonely.
Information on how to cope with coronavirus has been the most searched topic on Google for the past eight weeks in Australia.
There are lots of tips out there on strategies to remain calm and in control.
30/04/20 - Pleas for Australians to take up mental health services amid coronavirus lockdown
Experts have pleaded with Australians to take advantage of the extra mental health services which are now available to them.
Resources now include telehealth and online digital services.
50% of mental health consultations are now being done through telehealth (virtual appointments on the phone or video conferencing services).
There’s some good, useful information in this article:
Ref: ABC News
29/04/20 - There's a silver lining for fathers in the COVID crisis
Why does anyone pretend to be surprised that fathers enjoy spending time with their children? “There’s been a marked change in the way fathers interact with their kids over the past decade or so," this article says. "The time men spend with their children has gradually come to resemble the traditional behaviour of mothers.”
There are many good fathers out there – we see you!
Ref: Matt Wade is a senior economics writer at The Sydney Morning Herald.
27/04/20 - How #Isolife has changed suicide prevention
Isolife may well be a challenging time for many, but as a support service we recognise the importance of stepping up to meet demand.
For those in the midst of a relationship breakdown or separation, this tough time is proving incredibly hard and we have seen an increase in demand for our support.
We’ve also seen a change in how we deliver that service.
In 1999, Parents Beyond Breakup ran its first support group on a veranda in Coffs Harbour. It was a face-to-face meeting of connection – and it worked.
Since then, the challenge has been to support everyone who reaches out, regardless of who they are.
In the midst of coronavirus, this mission has forced us to up-skill and adapt to the “new normal”, very quickly.
A business would usually map out a plan for change; spend hours (or days) strategising the transformation and ensuring that the whole team was on-board for the journey from A to B.
We have not had time for that.
Suicide prevention cannot wait for brainstorms and change management best practise to be scheduled. It has to happen in the moment, or it may be too late.
So, as a business, we’ve had to be incredibly nimble and adapt to new social distancing regulations.
Remembering where we came from, Parents Beyond Breakup went back to the veranda. And because of social distancing restrictions, we made it virtual.
We’ve been running our “Virtual Veranda” meetings for over a month now and have seen a surge of demand.
What’s interesting, from a business perspective, is we’re seeing a new wave of people coming to us for support.
Some people prefer online meetings, while others have struggled with it and have required a more tailor-made support system.
Our Virtual Verandas have been so popular we’ve even launched one to support the supporters; that’s grandparents, siblings, new partners and friends.
How it works:
· Help when, where and how you need it
· Free Apple/Android app
· Discussion forum + live chat (24/7)
· Phone + video support meetings
· One for separated mums, another for separated dads
It’s vital that physical distance does not mean people feel unsupported and alone.
Parents Beyond Breakup has risen to this increased demand to ensure people stay connected, keep talking, give support - and get support.
We know that relationship breakdowns can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health.
We also know that a substantial percentage of suicides that have factors identified, are separation related.
Our ‘Virtual Veranda’s are there to ensure that those who are most at risk do not have to go it alone.
Our message is: we care; we’re confidential and practical – and our support can be with you, virtually anywhere.
About Parents Beyond Breakup
Our founder, Tony Miller OAM, started Dads in Distress on Father’s Day 1999. Back then, he couldn’t find the support he needed as a recently separated and highly distressed dad. In fact, it led him to contemplate taking his own life more than once.
Others heard about his work and they volunteered to set up their own local groups.
Over the years, mums too started to come to our groups for support, so we widened our work to include mum support and, in 2017, we rebranded to Parents Beyond Breakup.
24/04/20 - Demand for crisis support and suicide prevention services is soaring
"Good Friday was Lifeline's busiest day ever as coronavirus puts strain on mental health"
Demand for crisis support and suicide prevention services is soaring.
Lifeline is answering around 2,500 calls a day. Even the increase in demand Lifeline saw during the bushfires has now been surpassed. More than half of the calls now are COVID-19 related.
Social distancing and self-isolation is winning the war against this disease, but it’s a lonely time for many.
You are not alone.
23/04/20 - 6 Resilience Strategies to Protect your Mental Health through COVID-19
Building resilience and looking after your mental health is really important as we all adjust to this “new normal”.
There are some good tips in this article about strategies you can try including how to increase your resilience and positivity, self-care, and making a plan for the future.
If you’re struggling to navigate a breakup in the middle of all this, we’re here to support you.
Parents Beyond Breakup was established to specifically help and support those going through separation.
You can call us now on 1300 853 437 (or +61 2 6652 8113) or email: firstname.lastname@example.org
22/04/20 - Coronavirus: Custody fight parents told not to exploit lockdown
Separating couples in the UK have been warned not to exploit the COVID-19 lockdown to prevent an ex from seeing their child.
A senior court judge has warned they could face court action.
Once again, parents are being reminded that court orders MUST be followed, and children should continue to visit parents they don’t live with (as long as both households are healthy).
21/04/20 - The risky mix of social media and family law
Sydney based family lawyer Hayder Shkara writes this week on the dangers of social media and family law.
It's a problem we hear about every week from a distressed parent somewhere who, in the midst of a family law case, has unknowingly fallen victim to the minefield that is social media.
"It is now becoming standard practice for social media posts to be used as evidence in family law cases along, with text messages and emails.
According to a recent study, evidence from social media was accepted in up to 82% of Australian family law cases.
Despite this, many parents seem oblivious to how their Facebook, Instagram and even online dating profiles may be used against them in the family law courts.
One judge recently commented:
‘It never ceases to astound me how many litigants in [the Family Court of Australia] publish material through social media such as Facebook without consideration as to how poorly it might reflect upon them if adduced in evidence ’."
We agree with Hayder.
A week doesn't go by without one of our social media followers or a parent that we're supporting asking us why we do not run a dads / mums discussion group on Facebook, WhatsApp, Slack etc. The reason is always the same; because our aim is to help them have the best possible relationship with their kids, not to increase the risk of that being prevented. Thats the reality of the risk with using groups within most major social media platforms.
So, what specifically are the risks. There are many and they are often complex but its wise to look at the more common risks:
- Misuse of your content: If someone steals something you have posted (read 'screen shot'), the crime is technically committed against the content owner. The question in practical terms is who is that content owner when 'you' post to 'someone else's' social media platform - is it you or the platform? Technically, it's you but terms and conditions on most platforms muddy the waters to the extent thats its hard if not impossible for all practical purposes for you to enforce your rights in a court. Here, let's read family court. A key consideration is that you're going to face a hard time trying to get a foreign social media platform to support that 'your' postings, no matter how private a group they were 'stolen' from, should not be used by a third party in your case against you, by another one of their users.
- Ever changing privacy: Major social media is continually changing privacy rules meaning that what was once private, might no longer be so. Experience suggests that there's rarely any notice when this occurs - you are left to find out the hard way when your postings are thrown back at you by someone else that believes it is a valid reason that you should no longer have access to your kids.
- Security loopholes: Following on from the last point, with continual changes come a continual string of new security loopholes and endless freebie sites that will help an angry ex-partner take a detailed look at what you are saying in those 'private' groups. This is more common than the majority of users will realise. Until quite recently, one free service online could substantially compromise private group access restrictions on the biggest social media platform; a loophole thankfully, since closed. For how long, is the question. The game of restricting and breaking access to private or secret groups is a cyclic one.
- Nearly impossible to hide your identity: With few exceptions, social media platforms insist that you use a name. Sometimes you can get away with a false name but its typically against the terms and conditions of your service (the breaking of which opens up another legal problem for you) and even with a false name, it is sometimes possible to track an individual based on who they are connected to, what they look at or like, where they check in, their mobile number or email logged against that account etc. Even seemingly innocuous images (including profile pics and cover backgrounds) posted, open up security flaws - ranging from what is in them to their file names and meta data. Pretending to be someone else is, for the most part, very hard to do. A determined stalker is likely to find it easier than ever to locate low cost or free software, expertise for rent and/or lawyers that can access information that you are posting 'privately'.
- Your information is up for sale: Big social media sell user info. There's a rule in this industry - you either pay for your dinner or 'you are the dinner'. Right now, the Australia government is suing Facebook for up to AU$529billion (you read that right) for sharing 300,000 users private data with a third party. Many third party apps can potentially access your data from when you provided them permission in those pesky terms and conditions that no one generally bothers to read. It's a good idea to stop playing those free games and quiz's through your social media platform. Related to this is those that access the social media groups quietly, lurking in the background and selling on the information gleaned to interested third parties.
- Who's running your social media group and do they understand the risks: Do you know and trust the organisers of your social media based group to have vetted the others in the group with you? Do they only allow access to people they reasonably know or have good reason to believe are genuine, to see and not inappropriately share your posts displaying your identity (see point 4)? We know from recent legal cases in Australia and from our own efforts to vet those accessing support systems that there is no end of attempt by those with ill intent to access the content of others . Its not just angry ex-partners either, its also lawyers looking for new clients and the low down on their clients ex partner - we've seen it all. To this end it's not only where you choose to share but also with whom that makes the difference. Bottom line, if it's easy for you to join or get access to without any information checks, it is also easy for your stalker.
The simple fact is, no social media platform is 100% safe and no organisation or individual can provide you a 100% guarantee of security but, some platforms and some organisations are more secure and more caring of your information than are others. It's a question of degree and it needs to be balanced against the importance of what it is that you are risking.
Platforms such as MeWe and Diaspora offer significantly enhanced security and control over your personal data if you're looking for a Facebook alternative. There are other platforms depending on your preferences and you'll find some listed here.
Regardless of platform, it also matters that the group or support service that you might be using is credible and has your (not their) best interests at heart. If they are using one of the more risky platforms, is that by conscious decision ignoring the risk to you, or because they are ignorant of it? Either way, it may be time to question your use of it.
As an organisation, we know how how much time we invest in keeping our users safe through vetting, moderation and other security protocols that, for obvious reasons we do not share. We are also aware how rare that is elsewhere because of the daily horror stories that are shared with us and that we see in court.
Hayder goes on to say:
"In Lackey and Mae, the father involved in the case, along with his family, posted on Facebook, characterising the mother of his children as a ‘liar, manipulator, dad hater, child neglecter, child abuser and stalker’ on Facebook. He also published her personal details and photograph and further referred to her as a ‘cheating, lying wh*rebag’.
The judge overseeing the case referred to the father using social media ‘as a weapon’, and Marman FM noted that this use of social media is ‘a regrettable common practice now’."
Ignorance of the dangers of using social media based support groups in family law matters is worrying, especially given the stakes for individuals and their children.
For a safer place to get and to give help online as a separating parent, we'd suggest our Virtual Verandah. Register free at www.parentsbeyondbreakup.com/vv.
20/04/20 - Coronavirus lockdown prompts more couples to seek divorce
Australian couples are feeling the intense pressure during the coronavirus lockdown.
It’s proving catastrophic - there’s reportedly a huge increase in the number of couples seeking divorce.
Financial stress will, no doubt, be playing a part, added to the general pressures of being stuck inside. Any existing problems will be amplified.
16/04/20 - Can I visit my family or parents? Australia’s coronavirus lockdown rules and restrictions explained
Are you confused about what you can and can not do right now? There are so many rules - and they seem to be constantly changing.
This is a good, up to date, state by state run-down:
And remember, shared parenting agreements MUST still be upheld. This means you are allowed to drive your children to their other parent:
My kids live part-time with me and my partner. Are they still allowed to travel between homes?
"Yes. Currently, all states allow you to uphold current shared parental agreements. This means you are allowed to drive your children to their other parent or carer’s residence, and they are allowed to visit your residence to pick children up."
Ref: The Guardian Australia
14/04/20 - Lifeline Australia received one call every 30 seconds in March amid the coronavirus pandemic
Lifeline received one call every 30 SECONDS in March amid the coronavirus pandemic.
It’s a shocking statistic – and a stark reminder how many people are struggling with their mental health.
Ref: Bendigo Advertiser
06/04/20 - Family law services remain open to assist those in need during COVID-19 pandemic
Family law services ARE open to assist those in need during this coronavirus pandemic.
The virus is having a huge impact on the whole community. Legal Aid is reporting increased demand for services.
This article includes some good info on how the family law and courts are working to adapt to these challenging times:
01/04/20 - Families grapple with co-parenting orders amid coronavirus crisis
Families are struggling with co-parenting orders amid the coronavirus crisis.
Sydney Morning Herald reports today:
“The Family Court of Australia and the Federal Circuit Court, which both hear family law matters, have urged parents to act in the best interests of their children and respect the "spirit" of co-parenting orders where "strict compliance" is difficult or impossible due to the COVID-19 pandemic…”
31/03/20 - Contact with children not prevented by Public Health Order 2020 (NSW)
Update to Public Health Act 2010 relating to COVID-19 restrictions on gathering does not include prevention of contact with children living in different households. This was passed last night (30/03/20) at 10.20pm.
Relevant item (shown boxed in red in image) is to be found on page 13 of this PDF.
31/03/20 - Radio interview with Chief Justice of Family Court
Radio interview with Chief Justice Alstergren
Triple M Melbourne Radio - Eddie McGuire, Luke Darcy and Rosie Walton
The interview includes general information on how COVID-19 has impacted on parenting arrangements for separated families and outlines that that Courts remain open but are dealing with matters by phone or video-conferencing.
Duration: 9 mins 13 seconds.
27/03/20 - Coronavirus puts suicidal dads at risk warns charity
PRESS RELEASE FROM PARENTS BEYOND BREAKUP (DADS IN DISTRESS)
Coronavirus puts suicidal dads at risk warns charity
A national parents charity supporting separated dads at risk of suicide needs urgent help to move its services online after being forced to close its groups as a result of the COVID19 pandemic.
Pete Nicholls, CEO of Parents Beyond Breakup, the charity that runs Dads in Distress support groups says:
“The first Dads In Distress group met in Coffs Harbour in 1999 on a verandah, started by our founder Tony Miller OAM. Last week, in homage to our humble beginnings, we launched the Virtual Verandah; an online support service that helps dads at risk of suicide connect online with their peers. The initial feedback is overwhelmingly positive, with dads telling us the service is essential and keeping them alive.
This week, we’ve helped fewer dads than normal, because of the coronavirus, but we’ve also piloted the Virtual Verandah, which gives us the technology to reach more suicidal dads than ever before. The only thing that is preventing us from rolling out the service and saving more lives is lack of Government funding."
The call for help came as the peak suicide prevention body, Suicide Prevention Australia, released a report saying more funding is needed to prevent male suicide, particularly amongst separated dads.
According to the report, relationship breakdown has a significant and long lasting impact on divorced men - eight times more likely to kill themselves than divorced women.
The Turning the Tide report, published today by Suicide Prevention Australia, says that more needs to be done to help separating men access existing support services like Dads In Distress (DIDs), which supports more than 10,000 separated fathers at risk of suicide every year.
Nicholls welcomed the findings of the Turning the Tide report and says putting more funding into peer led and managed groups that have a long-term commitment to supporting dads and delivering real results is crucial. He says:
“Three in four suicides are men, but the majority of people using mental health services are women. When dads separate, they need a specialist service that understands the issues they are dealing with. Our programs have been working to keep dads alive and in their kids’ lives for 20 years, yet we don’t receive a dollar in suicide prevention funding from the Government.”
The Turning the Tide report builds on research published World Suicide Prevention Day 2019, which found that the biggest emerging suicide risks in the next decade would be the gig economy, rising consumer debt, and relationships.
The report found that men’s wellbeing is closely related to having strong family relationships and networks; also the high value that men place on these relationships may contribute to the long-term negative effects of relationship loss, thus increasing the risk of suicidal behaviour.
As intimate relationship breakdown has long lasting impact, helping men in these situations to connect with support services like Dads In Distress should be a priority, says the report.
27/03/20 - Social isolation increases male suicide risk says AMHF
Full press release here.
Social isolation increases male suicide risk says AMHF
Social isolation from COVID19 (coronavirus) needs to be carefully managed to avoid an increase in male suicide deaths, Australia’s peak body for men’s health has warned.
The three groups of men at particular risk are older men in poor health, men who lose their jobs and livelihood and men with fewer social connections, including dads separated from their children.
Glen Poole, CEO of the Australian Men’s Health Forum said:
“We support the Government’s decisive action to save as many lives as we can from coronavirus and this needs to be balanced with innovative action to save more lives from suicides linked to isolation and financial distress in the coming months.
“Our immediate concern is for older men who have a higher rate of suicide than any other age group. Support services like men’s sheds are closing their doors and older men are becoming more isolated in the process.”
Poole said increased social isolation is a risk factor for suicide in men of all ages. “Research shows men are less likely to have strong social networks than women, though this has been changing steadily with hundreds of local men’s groups launching in recent years,” he said. “Most of these groups have had to closed in the past fortnight because of coronavirus, leaving men at risk of suicide more socially isolated.”
One of the highest risk groups in terms of social isolation and access to services is dads separated from their children, says AMHF. With support groups for dads playing an important role in keeping men at risk of suicide alive.
Poole said “Men’s services across the country are struggling to respond to this crisis. We are seeing some extraordinary innovation. Men’s Sheds are co-operating internationally to run sheds online; support services like Dads In Distress are developing virtual groups and men’s mental health projects like Mr Perfect are using Facebook and other social media platforms to keep men connected.
“What we need right now is Government support to help us get the men’s health sector online and working together to save men’s lives today.”
The warning comes on the same day that a new report from Suicide Prevention Australia – Turning the Tide - calls on Government to develop a national male suicide prevention strategy and target more funding at male suicide prevention.
- The Australian Men’s Health Forum is the peak body for people working to improve the lives and health of men and boys in Australia. It is funded by the Federal Government.
- According to the latest ABS statistics, suicide killed 3,046 people in Australia in 2018. Men accounted for 2,320 (76.2%) of these suicides while 726 suicides were female (23.8%).
- Men over 85 are seven times more likely to take their own lives than women of the same age. Australian research has also found that 4 out of 5 suicides in men 65 and over are linked to physical health conditions.
- Australian research also shows that male suicides are 12 times more likely to be linked to financial issues than female suicide.
- Glen Poole is a member of the Expert Advisory Group established by the Federal Government's new National Suicide Prevention Advisor Christine Morgan.
26/03/20 - Family Court Statement re Continuation of Parenting Orders
The Chief Justice has issued a public statement regarding the continuation of parenting orders in light of the current COVID19 pandemic. You can read the statement online here or download it as a PDF here.
Relevant extracts (verbatim quotes):
- Concern in family law proceedings can extend to a parent’s or carer’s ability to comply with parenting orders and what should be properly expected of them by the Courts in these unprecedented times.
- It is imperative that parents and carers act in the best interests of their children. This includes ensuring their children’s safety and wellbeing. Whilst the Courts make orders that are determined to be in the best interests of a child, caring for and determining the practical day-to-day best interests of a child is primarily the responsibility of parents and carers.
- Consistent with their responsibilities to act in the children’s best interests, parents and carers are expected to comply with Court orders in relation to parenting arrangements. This includes facilitating time being spent by the children with each parent or carer pursuant to parenting orders.
- In the highly unusual circumstances now faced by Australian parents and carers, there may be situations that arise that make strict compliance with current court orders very difficult, if not, impossible.
- As a first step, and only if it is safe to do so, parties should communicate with each other about their ability to comply with current orders and they should attempt to find a practical solution to these difficulties. These should be considered sensibly and reasonably. Each parent should always consider the safety and best interests of the child, but also appreciate the concerns of the other parent when attempting to reach new or revised arrangements.
- If an agreement can be reached about new parenting arrangements, even if they are to be adjusted for a short period of time, this agreement should ideally be in writing, even if by way of email, text message or WhatsApp between each other. This will be particularly important if there are later family law hearings and will assist all concerned, including the Court, to understand what agreement may have been reached.
- If an agreement has been reached and consent orders have been developed to outline new or varied parenting orders, consent order applications can be filed electronically with the Court. This process is quick and usually conducted without a hearing.
- If the parties are unable to agree to vary the arrangement, or if it is unsafe to do so, and one or both parents continue to have real concerns, the parties are at liberty to approach the Court electronically and seek a variation of the orders.
- Where there is no agreement parents should keep the children safe until the dispute can be resolved. Also during this period of dispute, parents should ensure that each parent or carer continues to have some contact with the children consistent with the parenting arrangements such as by videoconferencing, social media, or if that is not possible, by telephone.
- Judges, Registrars and staff are committed to providing access to justice when called upon to do so. This includes conducting hearings both via videoconferencing through the use of Microsoft Teams or other platforms, or by telephone. The Courts are also conducting mediations electronically and through other safe means.
25/03/20 - What's changing with regard to the Family Courts and the COVID-19 Pandemic
The COVID19 pandemic is forcing changes faster than most can keep up with. Impact on family law is a key question. You can find the latest information and guidance to changes occurring in the Family Courts of Australia live as it happens, here. This link takes you to a page that will be updated as the situation evolves so keep it or us bookmarked.
21/03/20 - COVID19: DIDs & MIDs support goes online
With immediate effect, we are suspending all community based MIDs and DIDs support meetings. This is a temporary measure until the current COVID19 pandemic protocols are lifted. Simultaneously, to mitigate impact we have brought forward the launch of new online support systems.
What does this mean for our parents?
- Online: Safe discussion forum 24/7
- Online: Live peer chat 24/7
- Online: National & regional online meetings via phone and/or video conferencing
- Online: Library of help guides introduced
- Community based meetings (MIDs and DIDs)
Before the current pandemic situation became a reality, we've been building online support services to better reach and support parents in remote locations. In view of the current pandemic and associated restrictions, we have now launched that service ahead of schedule.
This new online support service will remain after the current pandemic restrictions are lifted, and normal group operations are resumed.
The new online support is a complimentary service that enhances peer connection between group meetings and as a critical service for parents who cannot access support in other ways. For the time being, it will form the majority of our support for all parents, alongside our traditional helpline.
The decision to suspend group meetings was made in response to the PM's address on Friday 20th March announcing that enhanced social distancing protocols would be required. This would in all likelihood prevent some of our locations from operating. Further, we have listened to and recognised both volunteer and attendee concerns with regard to meeting, and those of venue owners who are increasingly closing locations that we use.
In light of changing circumstance, and in wanting to do our bit alongside other Australians, we have decided it was the right time to make the shift from physical meetings to working exclusively online. Alongside external changes for our parents and volunteers, we have also now fully shifted all training, support and internal meetings to online alternatives.
At this time we have two separate online support forums; one for mums and another for dads.
19/03/20 - Coronavirus outbreak poses dilemma for parents with shared custody wanting to protect children
Key points from the article:
- Family lawyers say parents still need to follow court orders amid the outbreak
- But they can still agree to vary them amid social distancing and isolation
- Parents are urged to put emotions aside and keep their children safe
For more: click here for article
Ref: ABC News, By Rhiannon Shine
16/03/20 - "Coronavirus & Family Law: This is not a Drill!"
Register for this FREE event.
How Coronavirus is likely to impact Family Law matters
Your Family Law difficulties are unlikely to cease due to the Coronavirus! Society will continue, however things may start to look a little (...or very) different. Whether you are currently negotiation your property/parenting matter, attending FDR (mediation) or in Court then learn about what we predict the changes to be and how that will effect you.
12/03/20 - Talking To Your Kids About Coronavirus
We are a family centric organisation and are always cognisant of children’s needs.
We know that kids hear everything – and right now there’s a lot of talk about coronavirus. Some schools are closed/closing, it’s constantly on the news, travel's disrupted and understandably, many children have questions.
Make sure your kids feel safe, give them information and be honest.
For full article: click here for article
02/03/20 - Revised Board @ the 2019 AGM
It's an unusual year for Parents Beyond Breakup. We have restructured our board and updated a number of our governance structures and processes to better oversee and manage our growing operation. Consequently, our 2019 AGM ran a little later than usual but within allowed timelines on Saturday 29th Feb 2020. At that meeting a number of changes in board membership took place which we have listed below.
We would like to take this opportunity to thank both our Financial Members for their continued support and to our much appreciated outgoing board directors. This last board has seen us through some of what will undoubtedly become recognised as amongst our most exciting and evolutionary periods. The groundwork to see through our next phase of growth has at times been challenging but also very rewarding. To the two Terry's and James, thank you for your dedication and service to the board.
We are also extremely pleased to welcome three ladies to our board, Simone, Ami and Tania, and to welcome Russell and Brendan as members of previously unrepresented states; Western Australia and Tasmania. Additionally, this year on the lived experience front, we see board members who grew up as children experiencing parental separation, alienation and suicide. We have a new partner to a parent alienated from their children and a grandparent who has experienced alienation. Speaking professionally, we have much needed expertise and experience in government, finance, leadership, psychotherapy, media, charity and PR. On so many levels, this will be our most diverse and representative board to date. We're looking forward to great things from our refreshed leadership team.
Outgoing board members:
- Terry Valentine (VIC), past Chair and immediate past Deputy Chair, to 2019
- Terry Underwood (VIC), immediate past Treasurer, until 2019
- James Jackson (NSW), until 2019
The new board:
- Ross Arriola (NSW), 1 year tenure
- Campbell Lennox (NSW), 1 year tenure
- Simone Lunny (NSW), 1 year tenure
- Dan Umphray (NSW), 2 year tenure
- Ami Besson (VIC), 2 year tenure
- Russell Goodrick (WA), 2 year tenure
- Brendan Blomeley (TAS), 3 year tenure
- Tania Tuckerman (NSW), 3 year tenure
- Glen Poole (QLD), 3 year tenure
27/02/20 - Father of slain Margaret River family shocked that inquest was rejected
It was the worst mass shooting in Australia since the 1996 Port Arthur massacre and now an inquest into their deaths has been denied.
"The father of four children who were killed by their grandfather in Margaret River says he is shocked that his request for an inquest into their deaths has been rejected.
Aaron Cockman lost his daughter Taye, 13 and sons Rylan, 12, and Kayden, 8, and 10-year-old Ayre when they were shot dead, along with their mother Katrina and grandmother Cynda, by the children’s grandfather Peter Miles. He then killed himself."
For full article: https://www.theaustralian.com.au/nation/father-of-slain-margaret-river-family-shocked-that-inquest-was-rejected/news-story/c264029238f7826a84d737860e57793d?fbclid=IwAR38s4J4rmFku16n9qSIYbEtsAVqNkHF8O32RFlI93jYjNj4wgMOamdVuXQ
Ref: Victoria Laurie, Senior Reporter - The Australian
25/02/20 - Push for Family Courts to lift veil of secrecy on expert witnesses
The view of 'Australia’s Right to Know' coalition of major media organisations — including New Corp Australia (publisher of The Australian), the ABC, SBS and Nine — has called for changes to the Family Law Act so the identity of professionals paid thousands of dollars for their evidence is no longer suppressed. These professionals include Family Court psychologists who are protected at present.
Currently Section 121 of the Family Law Act prevents the naming of any witnesses in family law proceedings.
Ref: Nicola Berkovic, Legal Affairs Correspondent, The Australian
21/02/20 - Fund squeeze will hurt family law.
In today's Age newspaper, Victoria Legal Aid says it will be "forced to draw on money meant for family law cases to fund serious criminal cases, including terrorism matters, after its federal funding was capped."
Ref: The Age; Journalist - Tammy Mills
19/02/20 - Is the Australian Family Court system failing us?
In a recent blog article published on Mondaq, the topic of the failings of the Family Court system in Australia are discussed.
As per the article by Suzanne Lang;
"The purpose of the Family Court of Australia is to help families resolve their most complex family disputes and decide matters according to the law, promptly, courteously and effectively. However, families in the thick of family law court proceedings often talk about the "delay", "expense" and "exhaustion" that they experience. So, what's going wrong? "
Ref: Suzanne Lang - Coleman Greig Lawyers
11/02/20 - How Australia introduced 'no-fault divorce' and why our family law system is under review again
Original article is available on the ABC New website here and is reproduced below.
For decades, if you wanted a divorce in Australia, you had to prove your spouse was to blame.
The grounds ranged from habitual drunkenness to adultery, and many cases involved the use of private investigators.
Some couples who privately agreed to separate would even have to stage adulterous trysts for later evidential use in court.
This all changed in 1975 with the introduction of "no-fault" divorce and the Family Court system.
Family law in Australia has come under intense scrutiny since then, with dozens of reports — including a 2019 Australian Law Reform Commission review — and more than 100 amendments to the Family Law Act.
This year it will be examined again, in a joint parliamentary committee inquiry chaired by Kevin Andrews.
So how did we get here?
A 'moralistic approach': 1959-1975
Marriage and divorce remained state matters for most of the 20th century.
But in 1959, then Attorney-General Sir Garfield Barwick introduced a federal law: the Matrimonial Causes Bill, stipulating 14 grounds for divorce.
This included desertion, adultery, habitual drunkenness, cruelty, insanity and imprisonment.
"You'd hire a private investigator to spy on your spouse," says Shurlee Swain, an Emeritus Professor at the Australian Catholic University.
"He would hang around outside the house … and then when the light went out in the bedroom he'd then knock on the door and burst in with his camera and take pictures of the couple in the compromising position."
The pictures would then be used in court as evidence of adultery.
This desire to "punish" a party by attributing blame to the "sinner" was deeply rooted in religious principles underpinning marriage at the time.
"It's a very moralistic approach to marriage and one that by the middle of the 20th century was out of sync with the vast majority of the population," Professor Swain says.
Rear Vision puts contemporary events in their historical context, answering the question: "How did it come to this?"
The push for reform: 1960s-1975
With cultural and social change sweeping Australia in the 1960s, our conception of marriage also changed.
"There was a shift towards viewing marriage as a loving relationship," explains Henry Kha, a law lecturer at Macquarie University.
"Moreover, there was a rise in de facto relationships … more and more people felt that marriage was no longer essential in order to affirm a relationship."
The Whitlam government, in power from 1972, proposed a series of social reforms — including laws regulating divorce and parental custody.
The notion of no-fault divorce had support from an eclectic range of organisations, including divorce lawyers — who framed marriage as a contractual obligation both parties should be able to exit equally — and the Divorce Law Reform Association.
Professor Swain says that association "sounds neutral" — but wasn't.
"It was in fact what we now recognise pretty much as men's rights group," she says.
"What they were resentful about was the amount of money going from husbands to ex-wives that they thought should be coming into their families."
But not everybody was in favour of a no-fault system.
"There is also a great amount of fear that women will be short-changed by it because the vast majority of women still at this stage are not in full-time employment, and so marriage has been their career," Professor Swain says.
"So there's a great push from feminist groups to be cautious about how you introduce the law and how you protect women who are likely to be damaged by it.
"They expressed this fear, that if no-fault divorce goes through as it's proposed, that women will be left high and dry and men will just be able to move freely from one marriage to another."
'No-fault' divorce: 1975
In 1975, the government passed the Family Law Act with a firm majority: 80-41 votes.
The law introduced, for the first time, no-fault divorce.
It also established a federal court to deal with family law issues.
"Family law was viewed as run by very strict doctrinal principles that didn't really take into consideration the psychological and social consequences of a breakdown of a relationship," Dr Kha says.
"The aim of the Family Law Act was to remedy those problems by introducing a Family Court of Australia that would not only deal with legal issues but provide counselling services."
In the first year the law was implemented, there was a surge in divorces in Australia.
"The courts are completely overwhelmed from their opening day," Professor Swain says.
"There's these huge queues of people because there is this great pent-up demand of people who actually were no longer living together who wanted to get a divorce but had not been able to do it under the previous situation."
While press coverage of this upswing tended towards the alarmist, she explains, the number of divorces "flattened out" after a few years.
For some, the idea that no-fault divorce would bring about less acrimony was not realised.
"Right from the beginning the expectations of people that people could be civilised is contradicted by the way they in fact act," Professor Swain says.
"It's a minority. The bulk of people don't do that, they don't go to court, they take advantage of it and all is well.
"But it's that group that do end up in the court, that do end up in disputed decisions, that builds the image of the law and the court as a failure."
The need for more reform? 1976-present
Since its implementation, the family law system has been the subject of dozens of inquiries and amendments.
Patrick Parkinson, the Dean of Law at the University of Queensland, says when considering family law reform, it's important to remember that the Family Court deals with much more than just marital disputes.
"It's essential that you start with the proposition that disproportionately we are dealing with violence, abuse, mental illness and drug and alcohol abuse," he says.
"If you understand that then you can probably understand that the adversarial system and decision-making by lawyers, many of whom have commercial law backgrounds, is not fit for purpose for dealing with those sorts of issues."
Instead, Professor Parkinson argues for decision-makers who are more equipped to deal with issues like mental illness.
"At least for self-represented litigants, there should be a multidisciplinary panel consisting of a lawyer, a psychologist or psychiatrist, a third person who might be a drug and alcohol expert or domestic violence expert or something of that kind," he says.
In 2017, the Turnbull government asked the Australian Law Reform Commission (ALRC) to conduct the first comprehensive review of the Family Law Act.
The ALRC received more than 1,200 written contributions, says its principal legal officer, Micheil Paton.
Mr Paton says the major concerns raised were in relation to:
- The safety of people involved in the system;
- Enforcement of the orders that were made by the courts;
- The complexity of the law and the processes;
- The expense of going through the system and the time it takes;
- The accountability of those who were involved in the system.
The final report, handed down in 2019, had 60 recommendations.
"Recommendation number one was that states and territories should establish specialist family law courts, as already exists in Western Australia, and that ultimately federal family courts like the Family Court of Australia should be abolished," Mr Paton says.
"So in a sense, reversing the effect of the Family Law Act 1975, which created this one national court."
Mr Paton says the primary reason for the recommendation is the "incredible increase" in family violence cases and child protection issues.
"In 1974, when the Act was being designed, family violence hardly rated a mention by the politicians who were establishing it and the documents that were explaining the reasoning for the new law," he says.
"Family law was seen as a private dispute between two people who needed to sort out some arrangements and couldn't agree."
The Federal Government has yet to formally respond to the ALRC report.
However, in the same year, the Prime Minister announced another wide-ranging inquiry into the family law system.
It will be carried out by a committee of politicians from both houses of parliament, including One Nation leader Pauline Hanson — a move which attracted criticism from anti-violence campaigner Rosie Batty.
Many are waiting to see the outcome of the inquiry, due in October this year.
"In an ideal world we'd set up various structures that meant that nobody needed to go to court, that they could sort it out through a long process of mediation," Professor Swain says.
"But we don't live in an ideal world, so I suspect the battle is going to keep going on."
07/02/20 - ACT: Ahead of Mental Health and Wellbeing
Recent stats coming out of the ACT show their Mental Health is being better managed than the rest of Australia. See below:
“Health data from the Productivity Commission’s 2020 Report on Government Services (RoG) has revealed that the ACT has the lowest rate of mental health-related emergency department presentations.
The RoG report found that 43 per cent of emergency department presentations were mental health-related in 2017-2018, well below the national average of 66.8 per cent.
“A key achievement over this period has been the launch of the Office for Mental Health and Wellbeing in June 2018, which promotes and coordinates whole-of-government action towards improving mental health and wellbeing amongst Canberrans,” he said.”
06/02/20 - Tony Miller OAM, founder, honours Sydney CBD Group with an early days 'rock'.
In a sector full of difficult (and at times upsetting) news, it's nice to hear something great.
This last week, our founder, Tony MIller OAM, arrived in Sydney and attended a city based charity lunch to represent us in a personal thank you to a major donation from a financial services charity foundation. However, Tony being the down to earth caring guy that he is, decided he'd also very much like to visit a local group and popped by to surprise the Sydney CBD team on Tuesday night. A group (amongst all our groups) that carries on his tradition, running weekly support meetings just like he did 20 years ago in Coffs Harbour.
And what a great night it was, with both old and new dads working together to positively support each other through some of their lives most traumatic experiences. For those of us behind the scenes dealing with the less fulfilling 'keeping the lights on' work, it was a wonderful reminder why we do what we do. There's little that's more rewarding than going home at the end of the night knowing that you've done something out there to make the world a slightly better place, and that there's a bunch of kids out there that get to keep their mums and dads around and in their lives.
One new attendee dad spoke about how long he'd thought he wanted to come, the amazing helpline guys who talked him through his darkest moments and how he felt so happy he'd finally made the step, with their help, to come along to the group. He said he'd be back and we can't wait to see him, and all other dads (and mums of course!) at all of our groups - there's one near you! Check them out at www.dids.org.au and www.mids.org.au.
After the group, and impressed with what he'd seen, Tony decided to hand one of his earliest rocks from many years ago to the Sydney CBD group facilitation team. An incredible honour and a reminder that todays team carry the torch for the very many amazing volunteers that have devoted their time to us and to the cause of separated parents over the years. True hero's one and all.
That rock (pictured) has been through a great many hands over the years but it's only ever stayed with Tony, and now its been passed on. An exceptional honour.
The work carries on, no matter what and the best is yet to come. Who will get this rock 20 years down the line? Have you thought about joining our dream team?
04/02/20 - Suicide prevention funding applauded by mental health advocates
As per the article that appeared in, "My Business" it says,
"The government’s $64 million investment in suicide prevention and mental health initiatives has been welcomed by mental health advocates and psychologists across the country.
The government’s funding announcement comprises the following elements:
- $13.4 million in 2020–21 to extend the National Suicide Prevention Trial sites for a further year
- $10 million over two years from 2020–21 for an initial expansion of the StandBy Support After Suicide Service
- $7 million over two years from 2020–21 to expand The Way Back and other programs to increase the coverage of aftercare services in Australia
- $4.6 million in 2020–21 boost to investment in peer support for young people through organisations such as the Raise Foundation and ReachOut
- $4.4 million from 2020–21 for the headspace National Youth Mental Health Foundation to deliver suicide prevention training and education sessions in schools through the Schools Suicide Prevention Activities Program
- $1.5 million to Lifeline Australia and $500,000 to Kids Helpline in 2019–20
- $1 million additional in 2019–20 for the NMHC to support ongoing reform in child and youth mental health"
04/02/20 - 3 Reasons why friends abandon us during divorce
This article is written from the perspective of a Mum and gives some insight into how it feels and why some friends may abandon you during a divorce. With a signature drink called '50/50 split', the author takes you down the path of a party gathering sharing some thoughts and typical questions and conversations asked along the way.
31/01/20 - Give blokes a fair share of suicide funding
Press Release from AMHF, peak body for men's health related support organisations.
31st January 2020.
For immediate release.
--- Press release starts ---
Government must close “gender funding gap” to prevent male suicide
Three in four suicides are men, yet most Government spending on suicide prevention is targeted at women, says Australia’s leading men’s health body.
The Government announced $64 million of funding for suicide prevention this week, but most of that money will be spent supporting women at risk of suicide, according to analysis by the Australia Men’s Health Forum (AMHF).
Now AMHF, Australia’s peak body for the men’s health sector, is calling on the Government to undertake an audit to reveal the full scale of the “gender funding gap” in its suicide prevention work.
Glen Poole, CEO of AMHF said:
“Suicide kills eight people a day in Australia, on average that’s six men and two women every 24 hours
“The Government has made suicide prevention a national priority and appointed a National Suicide Prevention Adviser, Ms Christine Morgan, to rethink Australia’s approach to suicide prevention.
“We have been encouraged by some of Ms Morgan’s initial recommendations to Government, which includes calls for strategies targeting men at risk of suicide and a greater focus on the life experiences linked to suicide such as financial hardship, relationships issues and dependence on drink and drugs.
“Unfortunately, the call to specifically target male suicide has not been backed by any funding commitments, with most of the money the Government invests in suicide prevention being targeted at women, who account for a quarter of all suicides.
“Australia has led the world in gender responsive budgeting by publishing reports on the impact that Government spending has on women’s lives for nearly 40 years. It’s time for Australia to lead the world again by doing the same for men, starting with the issue of male suicide prevention.
“Today we are calling on the Government to audit the $740.6 million budget it has allocated to suicide prevention in 2019-2020, to assess the scale of the “gender funding gap” and let the public know how much of this funding is reaching men at risk of suicide.
“While we do not advocate for funding to be taken away from women at risk of suicide, most Australians will agree that blokes should be getting a fair share of the Government’s suicide prevention, that reflects to the fact that 3 in 4 suicides are male.”
On Thursday, the Health Minister, Greg Hunt, announced $64 million of funding for suicide prevention, as an early response to initial advice from its National Suicide Prevention Adviser. This included:
- $7 million to expand programs like Way Back supporting people who have attempted suicide
- $10 million to expand StandBy Support After Suicide Service
- Unspecified funding to expand headspaces rural and remote youth services
- An additional $1.5 million to Lifeline Australia
- An additional $500,000 to Kids Helpline
According to AMHF’s analysis, based on reports previously published by each of these organisations, the services funded mostly work with women and girls at risk of suicide:
- Up to 80% of StandBy’s clients are female
- 77% of children and young people helped by Kids Helpline are female
- Around 60% of Way Back’s clients are female
- Are 60% of headspace’s clients are female
- Over half of Lifeline callers are female
The Government also committed $13.4 million to extend the National Suicide Prevention Trial sites, including funding to improve evaluation.
AMHF is calling for some of this funding to be allocated to evaluating how effective the trials around the country have been at targeting a fair share of men at risk of suicide.
- According to the latest ABS statistics, suicide killed 3,046 people in Australia in 2018. Men accounted for 2,320 (76.2%) of these suicides while 726 suicides were female (23.8%).
- Research by Beyond Blue on the Way Back program shows that around 60% of clients are female. See: Source material can be found here
- Research by Kids Helpline found that that the proportion of boys and young men using its services fell from 31% to 21%. See: Source material can be found here)
- In research by StandBy on its services, 82% of clients who took part were female. See: (Source material can be found here
- According to research by headspace, 60% of its clients are female. Source material can be found here
- According to a recent report by Lifeline, it’s call data shows that it supports more women than men. Source material can be found here
--- Press release ends ---
Additional notes from PBB:
- PBB is a member organisation of AMHF
- PBB is one of Australia's most cost efficient and effective suicide prevention support charities; 80-90% of our work is focussed on separating men, the most at risk category for suicide in Australia.
- PBB is the only national specialist suicide prevention support for separating men in Australia. Each year, PBB estimates preventing over 350 suicides. Continuing to do so is now at risk due to lack of secure future funding.
- At this time, PBB has no public funding commitment from July 2020. This should be considered in light of the above press release and the welcomed recommendations made to government by Ms Christine Morgan to increasingly focus on provision of practical support for men, and particularly separating men (i.e. family breakdown).
26/01/20 - Bettina Arndt receives an AM in today's Australia Day Honours List
"Activist and author Bettina Arndt, who has dedicated the latter part of her career to what she sees as the unfair treatment of men in today's society, has received an Australia Day honour for her work.
In a decision certain to outrage feminists and other community members, Ms Arndt was admitted as a Member (AM) of the Order of Australia for her "significant service to the community as a social commentator, and to gender equity through advocacy for men"."
For more see the full article in today's edition of The Sydney Morning Herald:
25/01/20 - Parents, Attorney-General Christian Porter and his wife Jennifer announce their separation.
"Attorney-General Christian Porter and his wife Jennifer have announced their separation in an email to newsrooms.
“After 13 years together it is with sadness that we have decided to separate. This decision follows careful consideration about the best way forward for each other and our family,” the couple wrote in the statement.
“It is a mutual decision and no third parties are involved. We have been working hard to see what could be possible because first and foremost we are loving parents to two wonderful little children.”
For more see the full article in today's edition of The Australian:
16/01/20 - 'I don't want to be one of those absent fathers': Trapped between family & immigration law systems
"In a sense, Rudi Novak's experiences over the past decade are a common enough tale of people falling in and out of love, of relationships starting and ending, and of children being caught between. Although his story is messier and more complicated than most, the problem at its core is a simple one: Rudi's daughter Maja is Australian, but he is not. And he faces the prospect of having to depart Australia, possibly forever, leaving her behind."
For full article in the Canberra Times:
23/12/19 - Alone at Christmas?
For some dads, this is the toughest time of year. But it needn't be. Our helpline (1300 853437) is open and running from 09.00 to midday (Sydney/Melbourne timezone) on Christmas day. We've also got a range of volunteers on our Facebook page here if you want to message someone.
Here's a few random thoughts sent to us by others that you might find interesting...
- My first Christmas as a single dad
- When It’s the Other Parent’s Turn to Have the Kids on Christmas
- 3 Holiday tips for single dads
- Salvo's have events everywhere in Australia - make the day by giving back or just joining in
- Search 'events near me' on Google - select the free ones if money is an issue
- 51 things to do on Christmas Day (Some are nutty but some... are real gems)
Maybe there's nothing here that feels right for you but here's another idea that we're sure will suit most. Plan to attend a local Dads in Distress group ASAP, and build a community of mates around you in the same boat. You'll never be alone again. And if there's no group, then help us get one started, that's exactly how each other group got going so don't wait for someone else to do it for you. Make the world a better place! Take the step.
Got any other insights? Let us know and we'll post it here for others to find.
23/12/19 - Statistics of family law case outcomes
With another family law inquiry in motion, we are increasingly asked by individuals, journalists and even official bodies where they can find the official statistics around family law & court outcomes.
The Australian Institute of Family Studies in their 'Parenting arrangements after separation' research is one of the best places to start. With an update in October 2019, this is about as current as it gets.
Whilst it does not measure all of the factors many might wish to see, it serves as one of our best all round perspectives on key data that is available and is current.
A key challenge is the determination of how well the systems, processes, bodies and agencies, that we have, actually deliver against the genuine best interest of the child, versus working towards the perceived best interest of the child. It's no simple or short term deliverable but it would go a long way towards addressing many questions we get asked by parents and experts alike.
Tony Miller OAM, Founder of Dads in Distress, Fathers Day 1999
20/12/19 - A Christmas message from our founder Tony Miller OAM
To all our volunteers a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
I would like to tell you how much you are appreciated by relaying a story that happened to me way back in those early years of DID's.
I was renting a house down at the jetty [Coffs Harbour] and getting my kids every second weekend, well almost. It was Christmas and I decided to put on a BBQ for all the dads in distress at the time in Coffs, on my front lawn.
All the guys donated something; either sausages, salads, buns, or what they could afford.
Alan who now answers the phone helpline had a band and they set up and played on the lawn, people came from everywhere. It was wonderful.
It was a tough year, I was pretty well broke, depressed, lonely, feeling like most dad's in distress but I was looking forward to the day with the guys and with my kids.
One of the guys Ty, gave me a plastic Christmas tree which was pretty battered but at least it was a tree. I set it up in the corner of a room and wondered how the hell I was going to buy the kids presents.
Anyway to cut a long story short those men, those bloody heroes, those dad's in distress, one by one, brought a wrapped present and placed it under the tree. They were all tagged with my kids names on them, love from dad.
My kids didn't know it that year, but they had more dad's then they could of imagined. I had more mates then I could of imagined. For a year that was pretty low it was a high that I will never forget.
When the day was over I sat by that bloody tree, crying and yet so proud of those heroes, those dad's in distress, many of which didn't get to see their own kids that year. Yet they made sure mine got presents they thought were from me.
I kept that old tree for years, dragging it out every Christmas, not able to discard it until little by little it fell to pieces and was laid to rest.
Every Christmas I remember this story and every Christmas I shed a tear in memory of those dad's.
And so my friend's , thank you for doing what you do, whether your a volunteer, management, or on the board, know you are valued in more ways then one and every little kindness you do touches more people then you can imagine.
Thank you all and have a memorable happy and peaceful Christmas and New Year
Tony Miller OAM
19/12/19 - The importance of 'Lived Experience'
You may have seen that we're collating and publishing the lived experience stories of separated dads and that of their immediate family members; grandmothers, sisters, daughters.
Giving separated dads (and extended family) a voice is important.
Separated dads are a high risk group for suicide. We’ve been working to keep dads alive and in their kids’ lives for 20 years and giving dads a voice is an important part of our suicide prevention work.
There is now widespread recognition that work to prevent suicide needs to be informed by people’s lived experience. While the range of lived experience voices are now included in work to prevent suicide, the voice of separated dads is rarely heard. We aim to address this imbalance.
In September the Prime Minister Scott Morrison launched a Joint Parliamentary Inquiry into Family Law and Child Support and acknowledge that “family and relationship breakdown is one of the prime causes of suicide”. The PM said: “What I’m asking members of parliament, senators, house members to do is just to go around the country and open their ears and listen to the stories of Australians who are dealing with this system.”
But it’s not just the Joint Parliamentary Inquiry that can benefit from hearing the Lived Experience voice of separated dads. We’re also working with the suicide prevention sector more widely to find ways to ensure separated dads stories are heard in a way that can help us keep more dads alive and in their kids.
Collecting and publishing some of these stories as part of the our 20th anniversary Dads Alive campaign is just one small step in our ongoing work to develop the important role that separated dads with Lived Experience can play in suicide prevention work.
Looking forward, we’ll continue to work with SPA (Suicide Prevention Australia), the peak body for the suicide prevention sector in Australia and liaise with the PM’s National Suicide Prevention Advisor, Christine Morgan, to keep improving our ability to bring the Lived Experience voice of separated dads to the national conversation about suicide in meaningful and effective ways.
We're still collecting lived experience stories.
15/12/19 - Surviving Christmas Podcast from the Resilience Centre
Free to listen to podcast that we think might be just the insight that some separated parents need over this most difficult of times. "Christmas can be a challenging time in all families, separated or not and nearly always requires a degree of flexibility. Clinical social worker Davide Di Pietro discusses with Leigh Hatcher the tricky subject of accommodating Christmas traditions, gifts, celebrating without children and many more aspects of how to survive Christmas in a separated family." Click here to visit the podcast online.
14/12/19 - Chief Justice steps in and personally resolves multiple long running family cases
"Waiting times have been slashed in the Family Court in the past year, but dozens of families are still waiting more than six months for judges to resolve their cases.
A spokeswoman for the court said since Chief Justice Alstergren's appointment to the court a year ago, he had led efforts to reduce backlogs and delays, including in the delivery of judgments.
Faced with yet another inquiry, to be co-chaired by trenchant Family Court critic Pauline Hanson, and the federal government's plans to merge the Family Court and the Federal Circuit Court, Chief Justice Alstergren described his first year in the job as "challenging".
He has taken unorthodox steps to reduce the backlog in cases, including personally holding "callover" lists around the country, in which he brings in cases that are more than two years old to resolve them.
During recent sittings in Brisbane, Chief Justice Alstergren heard about 50 cases a day over a week.
He has also ordered court staff to compile a "heat map" to determine which judges and regions are struggling with the biggest backlogs, provided judges with more education and mentoring, and worked to more quickly replace judges who have retired.
11/12/19 - Banned single expert witness claims regulatory body bullies profession and too readily accepts complaints.
"A Family Court psychologist found guilty of professional misconduct has previously accused the health practitioner regulator of bullying psychologists.
Dr Menaglio accepted a professional misconduct finding almost two months ago in the West Australian State Administrative Tribunal for attributing psychopathic traits to a father without justification. He was banned from acting as a single expert witness in the Family Court for at least 12 months and fined $20,000 after AHPRA took disciplinary action against him.
The submission, dated February 2017, said the regulatory oversight system for psychologists was “punitive, draconian and provides the vehicle for the boards and AHPRA to shame and humiliate health practitioners”. It said it was open to abuse because of a readiness to accept complaints from anyone who had an agenda to abuse, bully or harass a health practitioner and should be overhauled.
In an earlier submission to a different inquiry in 2011, he also stated that the ability of expert witnesses to provide evidence to the Family Court was hampered by the capacity of parties to complain to the Psychology Board of Australia. He urged a parliamentary committee to protect expert witnesses from complaints.
Dr Menaglio was appointed by the Family Court of WA in March 2012 to prepare a report on what care arrangements were in the interests of a then nine-year-old boy. He was the “single expert witness”, meaning his would be the only expert evidence.
In his report, he attributed psychopathic traits to the boy’s father without clinical evidence, and conveyed that the boy needed protection from him.
Dr Menaglio accepted in the State Administrative Tribunal in October that he did this “in circumstances where he had insufficient data or clinical evidence to justify that attribution”.
The report had a significant impact. The father’s unsupervised contact with his son ceased from that point.
28/11/19 - Dad back from the brink and helping in suicide prevention
It was 5.45 am on December 4 in 2014, when Dan Price became headline news as the desperate 29-year-old on the edge of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
That Thursday morning as the traffic stood still and the bridge was closed, a police officer reached through the safety fence to grip Price, who was intoxicated and prepared to jump, and prevent him from falling.
Since that day, as Price has worked towards mental health recovery, he has spoken out about the loneliness many men experience as they fight to hide their feelings and go it alone.
From original article "Dan came back from the brink, now he fights for male suicide prevention" - Sydney Morning Herald
26/11/19 - "Movember" Campaign to have year long focus
From original article "It’s about more than just the moustache" on PRO BONO AUSTRALIA
"One of the most appealing draws for joining the foundation was the need to take Movember from a one-off annual campaign-led organisation to a model where we engage our supporters and the public throughout the year. It’s actually a really huge shift forward, but one that we’re very excited about. We know we need to do that to accelerate progress and to reach our overall organisation goal" said Rachel Carr (Movember Foundation)
24/11/19 - High Court ruling determines sperm donor has parental rights
From original article on Coleman Grieg lawyers website
"On 19 June 2019, the High Court of Australia made a landmark decision regarding the parental rights of a sperm donor when it delivered judgment in the matter of Masson v Parsons. The biological father and sperm donor, Mr Masson, sought orders from the Family Court of Australia to restrain the biological mother and her same-sex partner from relocating with their child to New Zealand."
"The Court’s findings show that, while the parental rights of a sperm donor are highly debatable and contestable, there are provisions within the Australian law for a sperm donor, within specific sets of circumstances, to assert the right to be determined as a parent as well."
19/11/19 - 0.00004% of $9billion funding on mental health goes to support of suicidal separating dads at DIDs
Its International Mens Day. Its with interest that we read on news.com.au that $9billion is spent on mental health support and yet, of the three dedicated services for the most at risk of suicide group, one of those (DIDs or Dads in Distress), gets 0.00004% of that funding. Importantly it's also the only support service in Australia dedicated specifically to the most at risk demographic. i.e. separating men.
Despite leading suicide prevention performance, considering how little we spend on this issue, does it surprise anyone that we keep seeing the number of separating men suiciding on the increase. Have we got our national mental health priorities right?
19/11/19 - International Men's Day
Today is International Men's Day. The day we celebrate about all the good things about men and boys, and remember the great causes around men and boys. With that in mind, lets spare a thought and thank the 100+ amazing volunteers - men and women - that devote their time to Dads in Distress; keeping over 350 dads alive and in their kids lives each year. Think what that means, to have perhaps over 600 kids each year get to keep their dad around. If that doesn't make a difference to the future of Australia, we're not sure what does. We're so proud to be one of the only organisations across the developed world to be focussing so successfully on this specific cause. Separated men being the key at risk demographic for suicide in Australia. We could not do it without our team, volunteers and staff alike. Thank you all - way too many to name but know that you are all appreciated, loved and that as you keep going, no matter how hard it gets, you are truly modern day hero's. To mark IMD, we'll be running some expansion events down in Tasmania over the coming weeks and there's a story about one dad coming very soon - watch this space. You can always learn more and find out about other events around the country from the IMD website at www.internationalmensday.info. What will you do for IMD today?
10/10/19 - How to give evidence to the Family Law Inquiry
A question we're being asked a lot lately is how the current family law inquiry works and how to provide evidence to it. Here's the low down to make it easier.
- The inquiry website can be found by clicking here.
- Here are the terms of reference, the list of issues the inquiry will look at. Your submission needs to relate to these terms.
- Here's some guidance around what to submit.
- To make it easier to submit your feedback, the inquiry has prepared a template that you can download by clicking here, complete this template then submit it to the inquiry. If the template link does not work, you can visit the page where it is located here.
- Here's where you'll find information on uploading your completed submission.
- Importantly, submissions close 18th December 2019 so you'll have to get yours in before then.
27/09/19 - Family lawyer speaks up about false claims in family court
"In conversation with Lawyers Weekly, Cudmore Legal principal Luke Cudmore explained that courts are required to take all allegations of domestic violence and abuse seriously, and that when confronted with false allegations, the court must err on the side of caution “given the catastrophic consequences of not doing so”."
"But, he said, parties can “abuse this approach” to obtain state domestic violence orders which can operate to prevent all contact between a child and a parent."
"When asked about the actual rates of such false allegations, Mr Cudmore responded: “It is difficult to say, however, I have observed a number of cases where baseless allegations appear to have been made solely for the purpose of limiting the child’s time with the other parent to obtain higher child support payments or a higher percentage split in a property settlement.”
“If the system does not adequately address the potential for abuse of process, it’s likely children will continue to be subjected to psychological abuse by withholding parents.”
Image and extract above courtesy of Lawyers Weekly
20/09/19 - CSA Reform; an insiders perspective
Andrew Vink used to work for the CSA. Rest easy, he doesn't today! Today, he operates an independent support service for those facing complex issues and difficult situations as relates to the CSA.
We've known Andrew for a few years now and he's always well received at public talks that he gives on this most contentious of subjects. In our experience, he doesn't take sides (really) but does give excellent advice, insights and has an outstanding knowledge of all matters CSA. A few days ago we asked Andrew if he had any thoughts around the most recently announced Family Law Inquiry which was to incorporate a look at child support. Here's what he wrote to us.
---------- Andrews article ----------
This is not the first time that government has done a sweeping review of the Child Support Scheme. The Howard Government did this too, and significant changes followed through in 2008. Importantly, the core issues remained.
For those wishing to get involved in this inquiry, when giving your suggested changes consider who it will impact either positively or negatively. Remember the core purpose of the service is to remove the financial burden from the government to the parents (FTB A).
A review could therefore result in higher costs, as one of the things that will always be considered is the "costs" based on what parents tend to spend and not necessarily what basic needs actually cost. I'd say, good luck with that.
Now in addition to this if you have an opportunity there are some key areas where small changes and potential government investment under the current would have significant impact.
- Mandatory child support education as a requirement of settlement. i.e. The CSA and Solicitor have an obligation to advise of - Agreements and settlement, Financial settlement implications, Options, post separation income and change of assessment. The parents independently should be asked prior to knowing what they can pay or get what they see is reasonable and this should go to CSA and if within a percentage of CSA formula could be assessment (more or less) and FTB should align
- Change of assessment reason 8. There should be standard exclusions, Re-enter workforce, Change job, pay rise and one of bonuses such as inheritance. Insurance and injury payment should have mandatory amortisation until customer retirement age or entitlement to government payments i.e three years - even if lodged late and outside 18mth timeline. The impact should better reflect life - that payment is the forever money.
- Working payee at time of separation income should be used if payee has new child so a payer assessment should not drop (her rel dep should be able to impact so a payers still can) - down side if payer a mum should could be held to that income.
- Customers should be told about post separation income and it should be for three CSP periods across case and not just three years after seperation - So can be used as needed to set someone back up - for payer and payee.
The most significant thing they could do, with appropriate funding, is to have extra workers, be it social workers or other, who are available at Centrelink offices to witness drop off and pick up where a parent claims one is not following orders. The order can stipulate what happens in the event that either parent fails to turn up, taking away the incentive to withhold contact for financial support.
Contact costs should be considered where the receiving parent leaves the relationship area. If payer moves away there should be no credit as they choose to do so. Hold each parent $ responsible for their actions.
Estimates; 28 day cooling off with clear information about impacts.
---------- Andrews article ends ----------
Have some feedback for Andrew, a query or need some help? Reach him here.
Andrew is not affiliated with Parents Beyond Breakup but is a leading independent expert to whom we refer parents struggling with Child Support issues.
18/09/19 - PM Confirms that family breakdown is a prime cause of suicide in Australia
Extract from full interview available on 9News.
In the 9News interview, Prime Minister Scott Morrison confirms that family breakdown is a prime cause of suicide in Australia. We believe this is accurate and exactly what the latest statistics available from the ABS would seem to confirm.
The largest single definable demographic taking their lives each year in Australia is separating men, making up around 42% of all suicides; each successive group forming a smaller proportion.
It is odd then that this is also the 'most at risk' group that receives the least dedicated support. Our charity Parents Beyond Breakup is also the only dedicated national support organisation in Australia today that is focussed solely on preventing suicide in this critical demographic.
Each year we estimate preventing over 350 suicides and are confident so much more could be achieved with only a little more help. Will it follow the recognition? We hope so. Its desperately needed. Regardless, this Fathers Day 2019, we launched our 20th anniversary campaign (DadsAlive!) to address this challenge. Here's hoping Mr Morrison and the government can get behind that too, and help us deliver the real and practical help separating parents desperately need.
17/09/19 - Federal Govt announces inquiry into family law and child support
The Federal Government will launch an inquiry into the family law system, after accusations the court system is failing vulnerable Australians.
- Coalition backbenchers had joined with Pauline Hanson in pushing for an inquiry into the family law system
- The review, headed up by former social services minister Kevin Andrews, will also examine child support
- A report released earlier this year recommended sweeping changes to the system
Coalition backbenchers and the crossbench, including One Nation leader Pauline Hanson, have been calling for an inquiry for some time, arguing the system is too expensive and slow.
The inquiry will be run by former social services minister and long-serving Liberal MP Kevin Andrews.
Yesterday in the Upper House, Senator Hanson demanded urgent action.
"Family law in Australia needs a major review from a practical, non-legal perspective to overcome lengthy delays and costly court actions in an antagonistic, confrontational system," she said.
"Australians have been forced to [endure] the pitfalls of this hugely dysfunctional system for decades."
Nationals backbencher George Christensen welcomed the news on Facebook, saying the inquiry would "address the hurt that many Australians — mums, dads and kids — are feeling at the hands of both the family law and child support systems."
In 2017, the Federal Government ordered the Australian Law Reform Commission to conduct a wide-ranging review of the system.
That report was released earlier this year, and recommended sweeping changes including scrapping the current Family Court and giving the states the power to judge such cases.
While waiting for that review to be released, Attorney-General Christian Porter announced plans to merge the Family Court and Federal Circuit Court in a bid to ease crippling delays in the system.
That proposal was widely canned by lawyers, arguing it was a policy developed by spreadsheet rather than with the best interests of families at heart.
10/09/19 - Julian Leeser MP on Dads in Distress, World Suicide prevention Day 2019
Julian Leeser talks about Dads in Distress at the launch of the governments new strategy to tackle suicide in Australia. The majority of suicide in Australia is now clearly linked to males experiencing separation, and Dads in Distress is the only national peer support network to focus specifically on this issue and demographic.
Each year, Dads in Distress prevents upwards of 350 suicides from within the greatest 'at risk' group of Australians, yet it is not funded out of the national suicide budget. With additional support, we know a significantly greater number of suicides could be avoided.
To address this challenge, Dads in Distress and parent charity, Parents Beyond Breakup, have launched a self funded national awareness campaign called DadsAlive! in order to reach more people that need help and that are willing to volunteer to help others.
There is room for everyone that wishes to help. Be the future. Be the solution. Click here to learn how you can help us ensure that every child gets to keep their parents, and has the best possible start in life.
The full video including talks by CEO of Suicide Prevention Australia, Nieves Murray and Scott Morrison, Prime Minister can be seen in the full video here.
09/09/19 - The question no politician wants to face about suicide
Extract: "World Suicide Prevention Day 2019 is tomorrow, September 10. In theory, it should provide an opportunity to raise honest awareness around the issue, and shine a light on what action we can take to drive the number of suicides down. However, no politician seems to want to face up the truth about soaring rates of male suicide. Deaths from suicide occur at a rate three times higher in men than that of females. The published ABS statistics list the most frequently occurring psychosocial risk factors in coroner-certified deaths in Australia. Top of the list is a personal history of self-harm, followed by disruption of family by separation and divorce, and then problems relating to legal circumstances. So, in light of this, why on earth is society dragging its heels in acknowledging the impact of family law and custody disputes on the heartbreaking suicide rate?"
30/08/19 - Year long celebration for Dads in Distress
Cindy Rochstein, Cindication PR Agency
0437 094 049 / email@example.com
Pete Nicholls, CEO, Parents Beyond Breakup
0419 824 122 / firstname.lastname@example.org
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Suicide charity for separated dads marks 20th Anniversary on Fathers’ Day
Sydney, Australia, 30 th August 2019
Australia’s leading suicide prevention charity for separated dads celebrates its 20th anniversary
this Fathers’ Day (Sunday 1st September) by launching a new ‘DadsAlive!’ campaign.
Dads in Distress (DIDs) had been providing life-changing support for dads dealing with the
trauma of family separation since launching its first group in Coffs Harbour, NSW on Fathers’
DIDs was founded by a separated dad, Tony Miller (OAM), who had contemplated suicide but
decided to form a group with other ‘Dads in Distress’, which met on his verandah to talk over
their problems and look out for each other.
The DIDs service is now run by a national charity, Parents Beyond Breakup, which provides
support for separating dads who are doing it tough at 25 locations and runs a national helpline.
However, the basic principles of the first group that met on a verandah 20 years ago remain the
same, DIDs is all about providing a friendly space where dads get together, share theirs stories
and look out for blokes who are doing it tough.
Pete Nicholls, CEO of Parents Beyond Breakup said:
“Fathers’ Day can be a tough time of year for dads who are separated from their kids and one
of the busiest days for our helpline staff and volunteers. So as well as looking out for those dads
who need our support, we’ll also be marking our 20-year anniversary this Sunday with the
launch of the DadsAlive! campaign."
“The DadsAlive! campaign will raise awareness of our vital work with separated dads, extend
our support network to reach more ‘dads in distress’ and undertake research to make the case
to Government policymakers to put more resources into supporting separated dads.”
“Our ultimate goal is to reduce sucide among separated men and giving their kids the best start
in life by keeping their dads alive and in their lives.”
At the heart of the DadsAlive campaign is a series of events across the year beginning with
Federal MP Julian Leeser and CEO of Suicide Prevention Australia, Nieves Murray, attending a
special 20th anniversary support group in Sydney.
Later this year, the charity will launch a year-long research project into the plight of separated
fathers in Australia. This will include an examination of key challenges faced by separated
fathers and their children, and will outline facts, insights and case studies.
DIDs will prepare a ‘2020 Vision Report’ and publish the findings to mark the end of the 20 th
Year celebrations on Father’s Day in 2020. The research project will be called ‘Lend us your
Voice’ and interested dads can register at www.dadsalive.org.
Did You Know?
● Suicide kills 8 people a day in Australia and 6 of them are men
● Separation is one of the leading life crises linked to male suicide
● Around 1 in 4 male suicides in Australia are linked to separation
26/08/19 - Family Court report writer charged with sexually abusing three children
Exclusive by Heidi Davoren and Josh Robertson, full original article on ABC here.
"An accused paedophile has been used as an expert by the Family Court in custody disputes that involve allegations of child sexual abuse.
- The psychologist remains on bail and the matter has been adjourned to October
- It is alleged the offending occurred many decades ago
- One parent said during a meeting with the psychologist he made her feel extremely uncomfortable
The psychologist, who has since been charged with sexually abusing three children, was appointed by the Family Court to make custody recommendations in cases where one parent had accused the other of sexual abuse.
One of Australia's foremost family law experts said it could open the way for custody rulings involving the expert to be overturned.
University of Queensland professor Patrick Parkinson, said a child sex abuse conviction could "absolutely" give a parent grounds to seek to quash custody rulings linked to the psychologist.
"In a situation where the judicial decision was based on, or was influenced by, a report which, in the light of subsequent events, one might cast doubt upon the reliability of it, I would have thought that would be grounds to reopen it," he said.
"The fact that a [an expert] has been convicted would in my view amount to, in itself, sufficient changed circumstances for the court to look at the case again — in the light of the current circumstances of the child."
Even the charges, coupled with other changes in circumstances could form grounds to challenge a custody ruling, he said.
The psychologist remains on bail and the matter has been adjourned to October.
The psychologist cannot be identified for legal reasons.
The family law system has come under heavy scrutiny after recommendations from the Australian Law Reform Commission (ALRC) in March that included sweeping changes and a call to abolish the federal system altogether.
The ALRC recommended the Family Court introduce mandatory accreditation for family report writers, otherwise known as single expert witnesses, after concerns over the quality of their reports and qualifications.
In June the ABC revealed a Sydney psychiatrist was the subject of numerous complaints to the Health Care Complaints Commission (HCCC), that would not be investigated after the HCCC stated it did "not have the power".
The Family Court stated on April 1 that the psychiatrist was not among its in-house report writers and it did not keep track of private report writers used in cases.
However, the ABC has seen documents that show the psychiatrist was still being considered by parents as a report writer in May.
The ALRC says a national training program for report writers is being worked on in consultation with the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) and the federal Attorney-General's Department.
However, an influential AFCC member involved in representations to the Government was, just months ago, cautioned by the medical watchdog for breaching a parent's privacy including by running therapy in a wine bar.
A spokesman for the Attorney-General said the department was not involved in the development of the training but was being kept informed by the AFCC.
He referred questions back to the AFCC and the Family Court.
The AFCC did not respond to specific questions about the training, which is not mandatory for court-appointed experts.
But AFCC board member and former Family Court chief justice Diana Bryant, emailed the ABC a brochure of an AFCC advertisement promoting "Family Report Writer Training".
On the AFCC website the three introductory training modules are listed at $400 each.
The site promoted the 2020 "masterclasses" being held in Singapore, Hong Kong and Japan.
A Family Court spokeswoman said it was unable to comment on the training program."
*Names have been withheld for legal reasons.
22/08/19 - Family Law WA and the Margaret River Murders
"I wouldn't say it's broken - it never worked from the start."
Aaron Cockman on the family law system.
"While many details about the Margaret River mass murder are still unknown one year on, the spotlight has recently been turned towards the WA family law system, and the Cockmans say there are still lessons to be learned from the tragic event. Last week, WA parliament announced it would hold an inquiry into family issues in the magistrate courts, and a Mandurah forum that attracted about 200 people wishing to vent their frustrations about the system was held last Monday."
Earlier related articles in the WA Times include the following.
21/08/19 - Dealing with Divorce and Separation (Channel 7)
Click link above to visit / listen to the free podcast.
Follows with Pete Nicholls , CEO Parents Beyond Breakup (Dads in Distress) at 16.45 min mark.
Alex Cullen: "Breakups are never easy for anyone… but when there are kids involved it just tends to get messy and heartbreak is unavoidable. As blokes we tend to bottle it all up and just soldier on , mainly because we don’t really know what else to do…until it all comes to a head and … well then what? What can we do, how do we as dads do right by ourselves and by our kids and even our ex. I spoke to a guy who has faced this question and has done something about it. Pete Nicholls is CEO of Parents Beyond Break-Up who run the Dads in Distress support groups. Pete and his team run an amazing support network and they are committed to responding to your call without exception."
For free and confidential support, contact Dads in Distress on 1300 853437 and www.dids.org.au.
#alexlaguna #petenicholls #dadsindistress #parentsbeyondseparation #tonymiller #alexcullen
16/08/19 - Child-Support Payments and Parental Alienation
"Parental alienation can devastate the relationship between parents and children. It can be a central issue in child custody disputes. There is, however, an apparent link between the child support scheme and malicious attempts by some custodial parents to completely eradicate the relationship between the child and the other parent."
"One of the undeniable facts about divorce is that children often adapt better to their parents’ separation if they are allowed to have a continuing contact with both parents. Indeed, a recurring theme in the field of child psychoanalysis is that children of divorced parents often desire to develop a meaningful relationship with both of their parents, including their non-residential parents."
"According to a significant academic paper endorsed by 110 leading international experts, it is not correct to assume that sharing overnight care is necessarily problematic for the little child. Written by Richard A. Warshak, this peer-reviewed academic article analyses existing research and it finds that little children commonly develop attachment relationships with more than one caregiver. It also finds that, in normal circumstances, children are likely to do considerably better if they have overnight contact with both parents. Thus the article concludes, beyond reasonable doubt, that ‘sufficient evidence does not exist to support postponing the introduction of regular and frequent involvement, including overnights, of both parents with their babies and toddlers. The theoretical and practical considerations favoring overnights for most young children are more compelling than concerns that overnights might jeopardize children’s development’"
"This leads to the important discussion of government policies in Australia. Policies across many areas of public administration appear to tacitly endorse the concept of easily available divorce. In doing so these government policies have seriously encouraged the irresponsible behavior of parents who apply for a divorce at the first sign of trouble with their relationship. Instead of trying to resolve their problems, state-sponsored financial incentives will tempt a parent to leave the marriage and subsequently alienate their children from the other parent, so as to collect a sole parent’s pension in the form of support payments."
"Here in Australia the Department of Human Services (DoHS) is the federal agency responsible for determining the level of financial support that non-residential parents are expected to pay. The amount is based on the amount of care received by a child from each parent, which is then determined by the time this child spends with his or her non-residential parent. There are some obvious financial advantages available for those who maliciously alienate another parent from their children. Indeed, support payments have become a lucrative reward for a more narcissistic parent who make it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for the other parent to develop any meaningful relationship with their children. After all, if the non-residential parent spends a more substantial or meaningful time with his children, then the amount paid to the other parent is lower than it would be if the relationship with that other parent had completely broken down, or if their children were cared for after separation entirely by one parent."
"Originally justified as a method of recovering welfare costs, child-support payments have been transformed into a massive subsidy on unilateral divorce. Because in a ‘no-fault’ system nobody can contest a unilateral divorce, these payments are an entitlement to be assessed on parents and even on those who are unwillingly divorced against their will. As a result, a loving parent may be forcibly separated from his or her children, and such payments awarded ostensibly and regardless of any reference to ‘fault’. As noted by U.S. sociology professor Stephen Baskerville:
No-fault divorce allowed a mother to divorce her husband for any reason or no reason and to take the children with her. Child support took the process a step further by allowing the divorcing mother to use the now-fatherless children to claim her husband’s income – also regardless of any fault on her part (or lack of fault on his) in abrogating the marriage agreement.
Across Australia, many parents are being told in mediation sessions or by lawyers that there is no hope of overnight contact with their children. In view of the financial reward acquired, the position of some parents is that the other parent should spend the littlest time possible with their children. A parent holding temporary custody may decide to procrastinate custody litigation so as to prevent the other parent’s access to their children. When this awful situation occurs, a loving parent may completely lose access to their children through no fault or agreement of their volition."
"What is happening is not merely an accident but the product of a radical ideology that has declared open war on the institution of marriage. As stated in a January, 2015, submission of the Australian Family Association to the Parliamentary Inquiry into the Child Support Program, womens groups’ that had also lodged submissions to that same inquiry have displayed a remarkable lack of consideration or recognition of the problems that non-residential parents might face."
The above is selected extract from the longer original article available here.
07/08/19 - Sydney private school principal issues stern rebuke to warring parents
The head of one of Sydney's top private schools has warned that denying children access to their fathers when the parents' relationships break down can lead to girls seeking "inappropriate contact" with other males, and boys rejecting their mothers.
In a newsletter to parents, John Collier from St Andrews Cathedral School said he had seen the ramifications of separation for almost 30 years, watching parents become so absorbed with their own battles that they overlooked the impact on their child.
"Presumably subconsciously, [some parents are] prepared to forfeit the interests of the child for the sake of tactical advantage in the ongoing battle with their ex-partner," said Dr Collier. "When parents are at war with one another, my experience is that the child almost invariably suffers."
06/08/19 - Dad takes his life after incorrect child support assessment & associated debt
The family of a Melbourne dad who took his own life a day after he was given an incorrect child support debt notice has called for the government's controversial robo-debt system to be scrapped.
Anthony Searl, 38, was a charismatic TV cameraman who worked for Nine. He suicided two years ago after receiving the last in a series of letters from the Department of Human Service telling him he owed money, sister Wendy Searl said.
Last week, nine.com.au reported on the case of another man, 22-year-old Queenslander Jarrad Madgwick, whose mother said he took his own life just hours after finding out he had a Centrelink debt of $2000.
Ms Searl said she was devastated to hear the news of Mr Madgwick's death.
"How is this still happening? I am absolutely shattered for this young man's mother. His story sounds so similar to what happened with Anthony," Ms Searl said.
25/07/19 - Word on the street, ABC Radio Darwin
Dads in Distress coming to Darwin. PBB CEO Pete Nicholls on ABC Radio Darwin, speaking live from the Melbourne National Suicide Conference.
What is suicide for men all about? Links between suicide and family breakdown and whats new for Darwin.
24/07/19 - Parental Alienation officially recognised by World Health Organisation
The World Health Organisation accepted the current version of ICD-11 which contains within it the index term parental alienation for the code QE.52 Caregiver-Child Relationship Problem.
This change is to take effect from 1st January 2022.
"Member states agreed today to adopt the eleventh revision of the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD-11), to come into effect on 1 January 2022.
ICD is the foundation for the identification of health trends and statistics globally, and the international standard for reporting diseases and health conditions. It is the diagnostic classification standard for all clinical and research purposes. ICD defines the universe of diseases, disorders, injuries and other related health conditions.
The ICD also captures factors influencing health, or external causes of mortality and morbidity, providing an holistic look at every aspect of life that can affect health."
23/07/19 - Relationship breakdown officially linked to suicide
The ABS has now published 2017 suicide data breakdowns indicating the leading psycho-social factors that are linked to suicide. The top listed factor, self harm, might be considered symptomatic of underlying mental health rather than a driver of suicide. Moving to items 2 and 3 on the list, we move into relationship breakdown.
- Z635 Disruption of family by separation and divorce, and
- Z630 Problems in relationship with spouse or partner
The above two factors are linked to a combined total of 818 suicides, out of a total of 1,966 deaths by suicide that 'could be linked to' a specific psycho-social factors. This means that, when the factors are known, 41.6% of suicides are related to family & relationship difficulty or breakdown.
Factor or item 4 is related to legal problems and there is no additional insight into what these are at this time, but it's logical to assume that it would include matters such as DV and custodial issues, which again relate to relationship breakdown. To be clear, it is unknown the extent to which this is true.
17/07/19 - Fabulous dad daughter story!
Sometimes it's easy to forget the great stories. Here's one that arrived in our inbox today. Dad and daughter - we won't share their names - were happy for us to share both the pic (shown left) and the message. We think its great, and may encourage a few more to make the effort to come along. Whats holding you back? The daughter wrote to us:
"On Thursday morning I said goodbye to my father as he left to go work in Victoria. The photo that I’m going to send below (which was taken Wednesday night) would NEVER of been possible if it wasn’t for your amazing organisation! My father has over come many mental obstacles and struggles since the divorce 11 years ago. And my gratitude for this organisation couldn’t be any bigger than it is today. As a child of separation I couldn’t imagine my life with out my father in it, daughters need their fathers too. My dad still wears his DIDDs shirt any chance he can in hopes to struck a conversation and raise awareness. Again, thank you all so much for the amazing work you’re all doing for our fathers!"
12/07/19 - Alex Cullen Interviewing PBB CEO for Channel 7
More soon, including the podcast. Recorded today with Pete Nicholls, CEO of Parents Beyond Breakup, on the impact of separation and divorce on men, particularly dads. Key issues discussed include the drivers of male suicide, links to family breakdown and 'situational distress' versus traditional views of mental health.
11/07/19 - How child support doesn't work, but could
Original article on www.fatherhood.org
This is a US article but has some great insights for Australian child support.
"Help. Such a simple, powerful concept.
Unfortunately, it’s a concept that’s often overlooked when it comes to getting dads who owe child support to pay up.
For parents in Colorado who owed child support—the vast majority of whom were dads—help is exactly what they got from the Colorado Parent Employment Program (CO-PEP), an innovation of the Colorado Department of Human Services. And what a difference it made in child support payments.
The key to the success of CO-PEP was taking a two-generation approach—2Gen, for short—to better understand the needs of the entire family, parents and children. CO-PEP focused on parents who were “willing, but unable to pay” and who were “willing to engage in work, treatment, and other supports” that would help them to pay and pay regularly. The results were remarkable as described in the following excerpt from a brief on CO-PEP by Ascend at the Aspen Institute, a nonprofit that specializes in helping states and organizations implement 2Gen programs and initiatives including CO-PEP.
“Of the 1,500 parents who were behind on their support payments, 85 percent were men. In order to rigorously assess the efficacy of the approach, half of this cohort were handled with the traditional, outdated child support enforcement practices. The other half were assigned a case manager whose mission was to figure out why the parents were not making payments and to help them overcome those barriers. In return for parents agreeing to engage in services, the division agreed not to suspend driver’s licenses or seek other sanctions. Within six months, two-thirds of these parents (who were either unemployed or under-employed when they entered CO-PEP) had full-time employment. Within a year, three-quarters were working and increased their payments.”
While reading the brief will help you learn more about CO-PEP, there’s nothing like hearing from parents and case managers who participated in it. Watch the powerful report below from Rocky Mountain PBS to learn more about why CO-PEP had such a remarkable impact. It features the work of Jefferson County Human Services, an agency in one of five counties that participated in CO-PEP and a long-time partner of National Fatherhood Initiative®.
To learn more about CO-PEP, I encourage you to read the brief.
10/07/19 - Whitewashing the truth of why men kill themselves
Original article on www.afr.com
Relationship troubles, not mental health, lie behind the plague of male suicides, writes Bettina Arndt.
Imagine the outcry if a man was appointed head of a leading domestic violence prevention organisation? So how come the federal government has just proudly announced a woman, Christine Morgan, as National Suicide Prevention Officer? This is just the latest move by a government determined to deny the fact that suicide is overwhelmingly a male problem, with six out of eight of our daily suicides taking the lives of men.
Amazingly the recently released National Suicide Prevention Implementation Plan is proudly “gender neutral”, failing to acknowledge that men not only dominate suicide statistics but offering no special programmes to address the unique causes of male suicide, which differ dramatically from those of women who end their own lives.
The alleged link to mental health problems is the most glaring mistake. “Around 80 per cent of people who die by suicide have a mental health issue,” declared ScoMo yesterday when announcing Morgan’s appointment. No, Prime Minister. That’s simply not true of men, the major group at risk. Australian research shows over half of all male suicides, 78 per cent of male farmer suicides and 83 per cent of suicides in older men were not predominantly associated with a mental health diagnosis – according to the Australian Institute of Suicide Research and Prevention and other related studies.
Most vulnerable group
The government proudly declares they are working towards a zero suicide goal yet the PM lists as those most at risk, “veterans, Indigenous Australians and young people”. Not one word about the most vulnerable group – the ordinary men, particularly family men in their 30s and 40s losing their families.
That’s the elephant in the room that our governments are determined to ignore. There’s solid evidence that the major cause of suicide in this country is not mental health problems but rather the toll taken by family break-up, where fathers often face mighty battles trying to stay part of their children’s lives, up against a biased family law system which fails to enforce contact orders, and often facing false violence allegations which are now routinely used to gain advantage in family court battles.
Research by the Australian Institute of Suicide Research and Prevention found that almost half of male suicides are linked with relationship issues, one in 20 are linked to child custody issues, one in 10 to pending legal matters. That’s the glaring gender difference – with male suicide three to four times more likely than female suicide to be linked to relationship break-up and child custody.
This evidence has been accumulating for years and no one wants to talk about it. Remember that lavish ABC series, Man Up, made by radio star Gus Worland? Hours of television focusing on the high male suicide rate, endlessly discussing why men won’t talk about their feelings – and barely a word about why men are killing themselves. Last year Worland’s new charity, Gotcha4Life, raised nearly half a million dollars to “save the lives of men suffering mental illness”, money to be spent mainly on programmes in schools teaching boys to express their feelings.
The high male suicide rate is strongly related to relationship breakdowns.
Whenever there’s a known link to female suicide, like postpartum depression, the money pours in to properly address the problem. Yet men struggling to deal with the devastating consequences of dealing with family break-up are given no support.
Key organisations providing support for men in these circumstance – like Dads in Distress – face constant battles for funding.
Maybe it is time for the quiet Australians to speak out about this shocking whitewashing of the proper facts about suicide in this country. Contact your MP, ring radio stations, use social media posts to protest the government’s wrong-fisted handling of this important social issue. The six men dying each day in Australia deserve the truth to be told.
20/06/19 - ALRC Report User Stories
"As part of the Family Law Inquiry, the ALRC established the 'Tell Us Your Story' project — an online submission portal where individuals were encouraged to anonymously share personal stories of their experiences with the family law system. The attached [linked] PDF note provides aggregated data regarding the number and nature of individual stories that included complaints against actors in the family law system and about the system in general. This note is intended to supplement the ALRC’s final report, which provides, at Chapter 3, a high level summary of the data collected from the Tell Us Your Story project."
11/04/19 - 11 Tips to make your Divorce less stressful
Original article from thriveglobal.com can be found here
We have a LEGAL system not a JUSTICE system.
- No one knows what will happen in court except that no one wins.
- Don’t mistake the courthouse as a place where your spouse will be penalized for being difficult and where you will be rewarded for putting up with it for so long.
Interview more than one lawyer.
- Your divorce settlement is one of the most significant financial and family plans of your life, so be certain that you are working with the right person.
- Often people hire the first lawyer they meet, but each lawyer has a different bedside manner, philosophy, strategy, and relationship with the other professionals and the court.
- Meet with more than one and compare notes. Are they an ally for your family, or themselves?
Divorce is full-time job.
- It often comes as a surprise how much time and work are required to organize the voluminous documentation, meet with professionals, and explore strategies, not to mention the tremendous upheaval at home and in our hearts.
- How do we take this on and manage our real jobs and now single parenting? It is a significant life transition that is quite literally another full-time job.
- Redefine priorities and adopt health & wellness practices that help you manage time, emotion & boundaries for the long haul.
Be an active participant in your own divorce.
- This is your family and your business contract. Educate yourself, ask questions, deconstruct your finances, build a spending plan, and work with the right experts so that you make informed decisions for your future, your spouse’s future and your children’s future.
- If you actively participate and partner with your professionals, they will be far more effective in guiding you to settlement.
Be very selective about the voices in your ear.
- Emotional support is one thing, but stay focused on a constructive process, not a destructive one because of what your friends and family think about your soon-to-be Ex.
- Often loved ones believe they are showing you support when in fact they are inadvertently feeding adversity.
Do not expect your Ex to make-up or “pay” for emotional pain.
- Punitive damages for emotional stress do not exist in family law. The divorce process is not the place to extract payment for an unhappy marriage or bad behavior.
- Rather than focus on your spouse and the past, focus on yourself and how different life will be free from strife.
You know your spouse better than anyone; trust your intuition.
- No one knows your spouse better than you do; don’t allow the professionals to dismiss legitimate ideas or concerns that you might have.
- Be the architect of a process and solution that is successful for both you and your spouse.
Lawyers are capable of escalating adversity with the simple stroke of their pen.
- Some lawyers use a writing style that is without a doubt directly rude and condescending to your spouse. This is not a requirement of the process.
- When a lawyer uses this technique all it does is escalate conflict which means greater cost and rarely does it lead to a more generous settlement.
- Not all lawyers are created equal, so while there are family law attorneys who are complicit in needlessly escalating adversity and fees, there are many reasonable, ethical, and solution-oriented attorneys. It is worth taking the time to find them. Do your research.
- The overload of emotional triggers is so profound that there isn’t one spouse who doesn’t utter, at one point or another, “I don’t recognize my spouse, this isn’t the person I married” (and if they are honest with themselves, “I don’t recognize myself”.)
- Try to step back, be gentle with yourself and allow space for temporary insanity. It is just temporary!
Respond, do not React, to inflammatory texts, email or voice mail.
- If you are on the receiving end of inflammatory communication, allow space for reaction and then respond. Don’t be fooled into engaging with the bully. Everyone is the worst version of themselves, and when in reaction, that can spiral.
- Create boundaries around when you open the communication (perhaps not at work or with the kids in the car).
- Draft responses, but don’t send them for 24 hours after you have had time to think. Use whatever method works for you, but whenever possible, throw water, not gas on the flame.
If you are married to a personality disorder…
- We have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we do not have a system that protects spouses when they are married to a personality disorder.
- Personality disorders can affect one’s fundamental ability to compromise, be “fair,” and be compassionate about someone else’s needs. This means that the healthy spouse can chase a fair compromise forever without success, a devastating and costly pursuit.
- But, now for the good news. Now you know! Knowledge is power.
- If you know that your spouse has a personality disorder, then you have the power to identify when and how to get out. It might not be with “fair” terms, but you will be free to put all your energy and resources into your future rather than your past.
24/01/19 - Dads on the Air interview
15/05/18 - PBB Position Statement on Separated Parenting and Fathers
Overview of PBB's 6 key policy positions:
- PBB supports the principle of evidence-based policy and advocates for ongoing research into the needs of children separated from their parent(s)
- PBB supports the development of policies that support and enable father involvement in general, and in particular the ongoing involvement of separated parents in their children’s lives.
- PBB supports the development of men’s health policies that respond to the specific needs of separated fathers.
- PBB supports the development of suicide prevention policies that respond to the specific needs of separated fathers.
- PBB supports the development of policies to reduce all forms of violence and to evaluate and address the unintended consequences of existing policy on men and their children
- PBB supports a Royal Commission into the family law system in Australia.
16/04/18 - BBC report PBB's help to a Scottish suicide charity
An Australian suicide prevention charity is to share ideas with a north east of Scotland awareness group after learning of its efforts to help men going through a relationship break-up.
Choose Life found men accounted for about 80% of people taking their own life in Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire.
Failing relationships played a significant part in a majority.
Parents Beyond Breakup saw the BBC story and made contact with Choose Life in the hope of preventing deaths.
Choose Life had appealed for men to suggest how support services can help.
Pete Nicholls, chief executive of Parents Beyond Breakup, told the BBC Scotland news website from Australia: “As soon as I saw the BBC article, I wanted to speak to Choose Life.
“We’ve been hugely successful in limiting male suicide post-separation and wanted to make contact to discuss sharing of best practice.
“Male suicide is considered as a mental health issue but we are finding most male suicide is situational distress. I went through this myself.
“However, if you show them how to navigate through it then they do not commit suicide. If you sit down with peers, they stop being suicidal.”
Choose Life Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire co-ordinator Iain Murray said the contact from Parents Beyond Breakup in Australia was a “significant connection”.
He explained of their current campaign: “During April we’re gathering questions, thoughts and experiences through the Choose Life Prevent Suicide North East Scotland Facebook page and also we’ve set 10 locations in Aberdeenshire and the city where people can physically drop off their comments.
“What we’ve discovered having looked at some data is that males in particular seem to really struggle with relationship break-ups, and in relation to suicides in the north east, that’s one of the most prominent factors we’ve noticed.”
14/06/10 - Local hero given Queen's honour
Coffs Coast Advocate
Local hero given Queen's honour
by Graeme Singleton
14th Jun 2010 2:25 AM
TONY Miller doesn’t think he’s a hero or indeed anyone special but to literally thousands of Australians he is a lifesaver.
For his contribution to the welfare of men through his role as the founder of Dads In Distress, Tony Miller has been awarded the Medal of the Order of Australia (OAM) in the General Division of today’s Queen’s Birthday honours.
It is an accolade that doesn’t sit comfortably with Mr Miller but one he is none-the-less proud and humbled to accept.
“I am the most undeserving of anyone to be given this honour and so the only way I can accept it is to take it on behalf of all the people on the frontline giving their time every day to help men and women in crisis,” Mr Miller said.
It was his own personal breakdown in 1999 that led Mr Miller to set up Dads In Distress.
“My life was a mess, I was suicidal and I couldn’t find someone to talk to who I thought would understand what I was going through,” he said.
“I realise now it was a completely selfish act on my part but I wrote a letter to the Advocate and almost immediately other men contacted me with similar stories of isolation, anger and confusion.”
Dads in Distress was formed in 2000 and has since helped tens of thousands of people.
But Mr Miller doesn’t think enough has changed.
“People are still going back and forth to the Family Court, there are still battles over the contravention of court orders and sadly men in crisis are still taking their own lives,” Mr Miller said.
“But we are now reaching out to women as well as men. That’s been a big change.”
Mr Miller set up Mums in Distress in 2006 and since then advice and support has been offered to many thousands of people.
“We’ve even saved marriages and families, but it remains a constant battle to get governments to acknowledge there are problems in the Family Court and in the funding to men and women who need help,” Mr Miller said.
“There are still ongoing issues I want to be involved in.”
However he won’t be waging those wars on behalf of the organisation he founded.
Last week, for reasons he won’t disclose, he resigned from Dads in Distress.
“It is a great organisation and it will continue to be vitally important to men and women across the country, but I am now free to pursue my own private agendas,” Mr Miller said.
“I will be lobbying politicians everywhere for more funding for men and women in crisis and particularly for more mental health funding.”
Mr Miller hopes his Queen’s Birthday honour will focus even more attention on both the organisations he set up.
“I really can’t celebrate this award because there are never any winners in divorce and separation,” he said.
“I got my personal reward years ago when I took a phone call from a dad who was so distressed he was contemplating suicide.
“To be able to talk to him on a level he could understand and from a shared experience background made all the difference.
“That he didn’t take his own life is still my greatest achievement.”