Listing of news articles
17/07/19 - Fabulous dad daughter story!
Sometimes it's easy to forget the great stories. Here's one that arrived in our inbox today. Dad and daughter - we won't share their names - were happy for us to share both the pic (shown left) and the message. We think its great, and may encourage a few more to make the effort to come along. Whats holding you back? The daughter wrote to us:
"On Thursday morning I said goodbye to my father as he left to go work in Victoria. The photo that I’m going to send below (which was taken Wednesday night) would NEVER of been possible if it wasn’t for your amazing organisation! My father has over come many mental obstacles and struggles since the divorce 11 years ago. And my gratitude for this organisation couldn’t be any bigger than it is today. As a child of separation I couldn’t imagine my life with out my father in it, daughters need their fathers too. My dad still wears his DIDDs shirt any chance he can in hopes to struck a conversation and raise awareness. Again, thank you all so much for the amazing work you’re all doing for our fathers!"
12/07/19 - Alex Cullen Interviewing PBB CEO for Channel 7
More soon, including the podcast. Recorded today with Pete Nicholls, CEO of Parents Beyond Breakup, on the impact of separation and divorce on men, particularly dads. Key issues discussed include the drivers of male suicide, links to family breakdown and 'situational distress' versus traditional views of mental health.
11/07/19 - How child support doesn't work, but could
Original article on www.fatherhood.org
This is a US article but has some great insights for Australian child support.
"Help. Such a simple, powerful concept.
Unfortunately, it’s a concept that’s often overlooked when it comes to getting dads who owe child support to pay up.
For parents in Colorado who owed child support—the vast majority of whom were dads—help is exactly what they got from the Colorado Parent Employment Program (CO-PEP), an innovation of the Colorado Department of Human Services. And what a difference it made in child support payments.
The key to the success of CO-PEP was taking a two-generation approach—2Gen, for short—to better understand the needs of the entire family, parents and children. CO-PEP focused on parents who were “willing, but unable to pay” and who were “willing to engage in work, treatment, and other supports” that would help them to pay and pay regularly. The results were remarkable as described in the following excerpt from a brief on CO-PEP by Ascend at the Aspen Institute, a nonprofit that specializes in helping states and organizations implement 2Gen programs and initiatives including CO-PEP.
“Of the 1,500 parents who were behind on their support payments, 85 percent were men. In order to rigorously assess the efficacy of the approach, half of this cohort were handled with the traditional, outdated child support enforcement practices. The other half were assigned a case manager whose mission was to figure out why the parents were not making payments and to help them overcome those barriers. In return for parents agreeing to engage in services, the division agreed not to suspend driver’s licenses or seek other sanctions. Within six months, two-thirds of these parents (who were either unemployed or under-employed when they entered CO-PEP) had full-time employment. Within a year, three-quarters were working and increased their payments.”
While reading the brief will help you learn more about CO-PEP, there’s nothing like hearing from parents and case managers who participated in it. Watch the powerful report below from Rocky Mountain PBS to learn more about why CO-PEP had such a remarkable impact. It features the work of Jefferson County Human Services, an agency in one of five counties that participated in CO-PEP and a long-time partner of National Fatherhood Initiative®.
To learn more about CO-PEP, I encourage you to read the brief.
10/07/19 - Whitewashing the truth of why men kill themselves
Original article on www.afr.com
Relationship troubles, not mental health, lie behind the plague of male suicides, writes Bettina Arndt.
Imagine the outcry if a man was appointed head of a leading domestic violence prevention organisation? So how come the federal government has just proudly announced a woman, Christine Morgan, as National Suicide Prevention Officer? This is just the latest move by a government determined to deny the fact that suicide is overwhelmingly a male problem, with six out of eight of our daily suicides taking the lives of men.
Amazingly the recently released National Suicide Prevention Implementation Plan is proudly “gender neutral”, failing to acknowledge that men not only dominate suicide statistics but offering no special programmes to address the unique causes of male suicide, which differ dramatically from those of women who end their own lives.
The alleged link to mental health problems is the most glaring mistake. “Around 80 per cent of people who die by suicide have a mental health issue,” declared ScoMo yesterday when announcing Morgan’s appointment. No, Prime Minister. That’s simply not true of men, the major group at risk. Australian research shows over half of all male suicides, 78 per cent of male farmer suicides and 83 per cent of suicides in older men were not predominantly associated with a mental health diagnosis – according to the Australian Institute of Suicide Research and Prevention and other related studies.
Most vulnerable group
The government proudly declares they are working towards a zero suicide goal yet the PM lists as those most at risk, “veterans, Indigenous Australians and young people”. Not one word about the most vulnerable group – the ordinary men, particularly family men in their 30s and 40s losing their families.
That’s the elephant in the room that our governments are determined to ignore. There’s solid evidence that the major cause of suicide in this country is not mental health problems but rather the toll taken by family break-up, where fathers often face mighty battles trying to stay part of their children’s lives, up against a biased family law system which fails to enforce contact orders, and often facing false violence allegations which are now routinely used to gain advantage in family court battles.
Research by the Australian Institute of Suicide Research and Prevention found that almost half of male suicides are linked with relationship issues, one in 20 are linked to child custody issues, one in 10 to pending legal matters. That’s the glaring gender difference – with male suicide three to four times more likely than female suicide to be linked to relationship break-up and child custody.
This evidence has been accumulating for years and no one wants to talk about it. Remember that lavish ABC series, Man Up, made by radio star Gus Worland? Hours of television focusing on the high male suicide rate, endlessly discussing why men won’t talk about their feelings – and barely a word about why men are killing themselves. Last year Worland’s new charity, Gotcha4Life, raised nearly half a million dollars to “save the lives of men suffering mental illness”, money to be spent mainly on programmes in schools teaching boys to express their feelings.
The high male suicide rate is strongly related to relationship breakdowns.
Whenever there’s a known link to female suicide, like postpartum depression, the money pours in to properly address the problem. Yet men struggling to deal with the devastating consequences of dealing with family break-up are given no support.
Key organisations providing support for men in these circumstance – like Dads in Distress – face constant battles for funding.
Maybe it is time for the quiet Australians to speak out about this shocking whitewashing of the proper facts about suicide in this country. Contact your MP, ring radio stations, use social media posts to protest the government’s wrong-fisted handling of this important social issue. The six men dying each day in Australia deserve the truth to be told.
20/06/19 - ALRC Report User Stories
"As part of the Family Law Inquiry, the ALRC established the 'Tell Us Your Story' project — an online submission portal where individuals were encouraged to anonymously share personal stories of their experiences with the family law system. The attached [linked] PDF note provides aggregated data regarding the number and nature of individual stories that included complaints against actors in the family law system and about the system in general. This note is intended to supplement the ALRC’s final report, which provides, at Chapter 3, a high level summary of the data collected from the Tell Us Your Story project."
11/04/19 - 11 Tips to make your Divorce less stressful
Original article from thriveglobal.com can be found here
We have a LEGAL system not a JUSTICE system.
- No one knows what will happen in court except that no one wins.
- Don’t mistake the courthouse as a place where your spouse will be penalized for being difficult and where you will be rewarded for putting up with it for so long.
Interview more than one lawyer.
- Your divorce settlement is one of the most significant financial and family plans of your life, so be certain that you are working with the right person.
- Often people hire the first lawyer they meet, but each lawyer has a different bedside manner, philosophy, strategy, and relationship with the other professionals and the court.
- Meet with more than one and compare notes. Are they an ally for your family, or themselves?
Divorce is full-time job.
- It often comes as a surprise how much time and work are required to organize the voluminous documentation, meet with professionals, and explore strategies, not to mention the tremendous upheaval at home and in our hearts.
- How do we take this on and manage our real jobs and now single parenting? It is a significant life transition that is quite literally another full-time job.
- Redefine priorities and adopt health & wellness practices that help you manage time, emotion & boundaries for the long haul.
Be an active participant in your own divorce.
- This is your family and your business contract. Educate yourself, ask questions, deconstruct your finances, build a spending plan, and work with the right experts so that you make informed decisions for your future, your spouse’s future and your children’s future.
- If you actively participate and partner with your professionals, they will be far more effective in guiding you to settlement.
Be very selective about the voices in your ear.
- Emotional support is one thing, but stay focused on a constructive process, not a destructive one because of what your friends and family think about your soon-to-be Ex.
- Often loved ones believe they are showing you support when in fact they are inadvertently feeding adversity.
Do not expect your Ex to make-up or “pay” for emotional pain.
- Punitive damages for emotional stress do not exist in family law. The divorce process is not the place to extract payment for an unhappy marriage or bad behavior.
- Rather than focus on your spouse and the past, focus on yourself and how different life will be free from strife.
You know your spouse better than anyone; trust your intuition.
- No one knows your spouse better than you do; don’t allow the professionals to dismiss legitimate ideas or concerns that you might have.
- Be the architect of a process and solution that is successful for both you and your spouse.
Lawyers are capable of escalating adversity with the simple stroke of their pen.
- Some lawyers use a writing style that is without a doubt directly rude and condescending to your spouse. This is not a requirement of the process.
- When a lawyer uses this technique all it does is escalate conflict which means greater cost and rarely does it lead to a more generous settlement.
- Not all lawyers are created equal, so while there are family law attorneys who are complicit in needlessly escalating adversity and fees, there are many reasonable, ethical, and solution-oriented attorneys. It is worth taking the time to find them. Do your research.
- The overload of emotional triggers is so profound that there isn’t one spouse who doesn’t utter, at one point or another, “I don’t recognize my spouse, this isn’t the person I married” (and if they are honest with themselves, “I don’t recognize myself”.)
- Try to step back, be gentle with yourself and allow space for temporary insanity. It is just temporary!
Respond, do not React, to inflammatory texts, email or voice mail.
- If you are on the receiving end of inflammatory communication, allow space for reaction and then respond. Don’t be fooled into engaging with the bully. Everyone is the worst version of themselves, and when in reaction, that can spiral.
- Create boundaries around when you open the communication (perhaps not at work or with the kids in the car).
- Draft responses, but don’t send them for 24 hours after you have had time to think. Use whatever method works for you, but whenever possible, throw water, not gas on the flame.
If you are married to a personality disorder…
- We have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we do not have a system that protects spouses when they are married to a personality disorder.
- Personality disorders can affect one’s fundamental ability to compromise, be “fair,” and be compassionate about someone else’s needs. This means that the healthy spouse can chase a fair compromise forever without success, a devastating and costly pursuit.
- But, now for the good news. Now you know! Knowledge is power.
- If you know that your spouse has a personality disorder, then you have the power to identify when and how to get out. It might not be with “fair” terms, but you will be free to put all your energy and resources into your future rather than your past.
24/01/19 - Dads on the Air interview
15/05/18 - PBB Position Statement on Separated Parenting and Fathers
Overview of PBB's 6 key policy positions:
- PBB supports the principle of evidence-based policy and advocates for ongoing research into the needs of children separated from their parent(s)
- PBB supports the development of policies that support and enable father involvement in general, and in particular the ongoing involvement of separated parents in their children’s lives.
- PBB supports the development of men’s health policies that respond to the specific needs of separated fathers.
- PBB supports the development of suicide prevention policies that respond to the specific needs of separated fathers.
- PBB supports the development of policies to reduce all forms of violence and to evaluate and address the unintended consequences of existing policy on men and their children
- PBB supports a Royal Commission into the family law system in Australia.
16/04/18 - BBC report PBB's help to a Scottish suicide charity
An Australian suicide prevention charity is to share ideas with a north east of Scotland awareness group after learning of its efforts to help men going through a relationship break-up.
Choose Life found men accounted for about 80% of people taking their own life in Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire.
Failing relationships played a significant part in a majority.
Parents Beyond Breakup saw the BBC story and made contact with Choose Life in the hope of preventing deaths.
Choose Life had appealed for men to suggest how support services can help.
Pete Nicholls, chief executive of Parents Beyond Breakup, told the BBC Scotland news website from Australia: “As soon as I saw the BBC article, I wanted to speak to Choose Life.
“We’ve been hugely successful in limiting male suicide post-separation and wanted to make contact to discuss sharing of best practice.
“Male suicide is considered as a mental health issue but we are finding most male suicide is situational distress. I went through this myself.
“However, if you show them how to navigate through it then they do not commit suicide. If you sit down with peers, they stop being suicidal.”
Choose Life Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire co-ordinator Iain Murray said the contact from Parents Beyond Breakup in Australia was a “significant connection”.
He explained of their current campaign: “During April we’re gathering questions, thoughts and experiences through the Choose Life Prevent Suicide North East Scotland Facebook page and also we’ve set 10 locations in Aberdeenshire and the city where people can physically drop off their comments.
“What we’ve discovered having looked at some data is that males in particular seem to really struggle with relationship break-ups, and in relation to suicides in the north east, that’s one of the most prominent factors we’ve noticed.”